Coda Books 04 - Strawberries for Dessert (MM)

could see everything in his eyes at that moment. He was fighting tears. He was desperate for something, yet unable to ask for it. He was ashamed of himself for being vulnerable but too tired of pretending to cover it up.
    I kept my voice low and quiet, lest I scare him away. “Cole, there is nothing cliché about you.”
    He closed his eyes. His breath was shaky. I put one hand on his cheek, used my other arm to pull him toward me. His eyes opened, and they were moist with tears and full of uncertainty.
    He looked into my eyes. He said one word, quietly, only a whisper. But what he said was, “Jonathan.”
    Only my name and nothing more. And yet it was everything. He had never said it before—not once. It kindled a tenderness in me that was undeniable. It touched me in a way that nothing else ever had before. It made me realize with a sudden, painful certainty that my desire to own him was completely misguided. It was too late. I was his in every way, and until this moment, I hadn’t quite known it. I wondered if he knew it. I wondered if he cared.
    I pulled him tight against me and kissed him. I had kissed him many times, but never like this. Never with my heart in my throat and my hands shaking. Never with the need that I felt now. I wanted to taste every part of him. I wanted somehow to touch him the way he had touched me.
    His lips were soft and warm and insistent. He wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me with a desperation he had never shown me before. I halfway carried him to the bed and pushed him back onto it. We still had our briefs on, and the lube was on the floor on the other side of the bed, and I didn’t care. I didn’t want to stop touching him long enough to change any of those things. I didn’t want to risk losing what we were both feeling at that moment. I only wanted to keep feeling his skin against mine, keep tasting his damp cheeks beneath my lips, keep hearing his trembling breath in my ear.
    I pushed against him, and he wrapped his legs around my hips, holding me tighter. We rocked together, kissing and holding each other, allowing only the gentle friction between us to bring us to climax, and afterward my cheeks were damp too. I buried my face in his neck, and he wrapped his arms around me, making quiet hushing sounds in my ear.
    I wasn’t sure when it had changed from me comforting him to him comforting me. I wasn’t sure if it mattered.
    Somehow I knew that everything had changed. We had crossed some threshold, broken through some boundary we had never intended to breach. I wondered if we could go back. I wondered if he would want to.

Date: April 3
    From: Cole
    To: Jared
    What have I done?

    AFTER the intensity of what had happened, it seemed like the whole world should have somehow shifted in its orbit, but of course that wasn’t the case. We lay there for a few minutes holding each other, but soon reality set in. Particularly reality in the form of both of us now wearing wet underwear that was quickly beginning to dry.
    “I suppose it would have made too much sense to do that before I showered,” I commented, and he laughed as he pushed me off of him. I cleaned myself off and got dressed. There was a coffee shop in the hotel lobby, and I went down to get bagels (“Don’t you dare bring me a donut, love”) and lattes. It took longer than I expected. When I got back to the room, he had already showered and dressed. He was sitting on the bed, typing on his phone. I knew he often used it to check his email, and I was curious who was talking to, but I never asked. I suspected he wouldn’t have told me.
    Whatever walls had come down between us earlier, they were back in place now. His eyes were wary. I knew it was only his way, but
    I didn’t want to let him pull away from me so easily. I wanted to be able to touch him again. I put the food down on the table and went to him. I pushed him back onto the bed so that I could climb on top of him.
    “What do you want to do today?” I asked as I started to kiss his neck.
    He turned his head, tipping his chin back to give me better access, but otherwise he didn’t respond. He didn’t put his arms around me.
    “Whatever you want to do, love.”
    I brushed my lips lightly over his ear. “It’s your birthday,” I said quietly.
    “I suppose that’s true.”
    I moved to his lips then. Even I couldn’t quite understand my fascination with them. Yes, they were soft and beautiful. Still, I wasn’t sure why I was so drawn to