Complete Works

men and women (unless considered from a purely commercial point of view) are not exactly the cattle of the Western-ocean trade, that used some twenty years ago to be thrown overboard on an emergency and left to swim round and round before they sank.  If you can’t get more boats, then sell less tickets.  Don’t drown so many people on the finest, calmest night that was ever known in the North Atlantic — even if you have provided them with a little music to get drowned by.  Sell less tickets!  That’s the solution of the problem, your Mercantile Highness.
    But there would be a cry, “Oh!  This requires consideration!”  (Ten years of it — eh?)  Well, no!  This does not require consideration.  This is the very first thing to do.  At once.  Limit the number of people by the boats you can handle.  That’s honesty.  And then you may go on fumbling for years about these precious davits which are such a stumbling-block to your humanity.  These fascinating patent davits.  These davits that refuse to do three times as much work as they were meant to do.  Oh!  The wickedness of these davits!
    One of the great discoveries of this admirable Inquiry is the fascination of the davits.  All these people positively can’t get away from them.  They shuffle about and groan around their davits.  Whereas the obvious thing to do is to eliminate the man-handled davits altogether.  Don’t you think that with all the mechanical contrivances, with all the generated power on board these ships, it is about time to get rid of the hundred-years-old, man-power appliances?  Cranes are what is wanted; low, compact cranes with adjustable heads, one to each set of six or nine boats.  And if people tell you of insuperable difficulties, if they tell you of the swing and spin of spanned boats, don’t you believe them.  The heads of the cranes need not be any higher than the heads of the davits.  The lift required would be only a couple of inches.  As to the spin, there is a way to prevent that if you have in each boat two men who know what they are about.  I have taken up on board a heavy ship’s boat, in the open sea (the ship rolling heavily), with a common cargo derrick.  And a cargo derrick is very much like a crane; but a crane devised ad hoc would be infinitely easier to work.  We must remember that the loss of this ship has altered the moral atmosphere.  As long as the Titanic is remembered, an ugly rush for the boats may be feared in case of some accident.  You can’t hope to drill into perfect discipline a casual mob of six hundred firemen and waiters, but in a ship like the Titanic you can keep on a permanent trustworthy crew of one hundred intelligent seamen and mechanics who would know their stations for abandoning ship and would do the work efficiently.  The boats could be lowered with sufficient dispatch.  One does not want to let rip one’s boats by the run all at the same time.  With six boat-cranes, six boats would be simultaneously swung, filled, and got away from the side; and if any sort of order is kept, the ship could be cleared of the passengers in a quite short time.  For there must be boats enough for the passengers and crew, whether you increase the number of boats or limit the number of passengers, irrespective of the size of the ship.  That is the only honest course.  Any other would be rather worse than putting sand in the sugar, for which a tradesman gets fined or imprisoned.  Do not let us take a romantic view of the so-called progress.  A company selling passages is a tradesman; though from the way these people talk and behave you would think they are benefactors of mankind in some mysterious way, engaged in some lofty and amazing enterprise.
    All these boats should have a motor-engine in them.  And, of course, the glorified tradesman, the mummified official, the technicians, and all these secretly disconcerted hangers-on to the enormous ticket-selling enterprise, will raise objections to it with every air of superiority.  But don’t believe them.  Doesn’t it strike you as absurd that in this age of mechanical propulsion, of generated power, the boats of such ultra-modern ships are fitted with oars and sails, implements more than three thousand years old?  Old as the siege of Troy.  Older! . . . And I know what I am talking about.  Only six weeks ago I was on the river in an ancient, rough, ship’s boat, fitted with a two-cylinder motor-engine of 7.5 h.p.