Composing a Further Life

leading on to another. 9 It struck me at the time that nothing I had written about Arabic, which was the focus of my doctoral work and my first three years of teaching, had made it into the collection, one intended for general readers. So I wove it into a final essay about cultural diversity and becoming “nomads of the imagination.”
    As the world changes, we increasingly find ourselves onstage without a script, challenged to improvise; the skills of improvisation that actors learn turn out to be key skills for adaptation. My daughter once taught me a technique, used in training a group for theatrical improvisation, of piecing together a story one sentence at a time: simply begin each contribution with the words “Yes, and,” affirming what the other has said before trying to extend or balance it. 10 After she taught me this technique, I realized that, as a teacher, I had gotten only halfway by habitually responding to student comments with a positive smile and nod, repeating what seemed valuable in the comment before going on to correct or amplify (“yes …, but …”). There was more to be gained for both of us from
and
than from
but
.
    You might say that the
yes
expresses reception of what the other has proposed—a willingness to learn from the other—and the
and
an offer to convey something new in return. So in dealing with cultural differences, the appropriate path is to try to discover and acknowledge the good that is believed to be served by a particular behavior. Devout Muslims, male and female, believe that women and girls are protected by veiling and segregation, and under many circumstances this is true. Yes. And? But?
And
women and girls—responsibly protected by public order, equal laws, and education—can participate as equals and make unique contributions.
    The historic religions are extraordinarily rich and diverse, which means that basic themes such as justice, truth, kindness, peace, and human unity, even versions of the “Golden Rule,” recur in the scriptures of all the universalistic religions. As a result, when new ethical imperatives are recognized, it is frequently possible to find arguments and interpretations for them in traditional texts. For example, scriptures and myths from around the globe express wonder at the natural world, but the wonder and respect they evoke have often been little emphasized when there was wealth to be made from exploitation. Yet the ideas are still there, ready to be called forth by “Yes, and.” It falls to those living today to frame the response to wonder that is appropriate to our perilous time.
    Many Western feminists are rightly suspicious of all efforts to “protect” women as disempowering, but it’s worth the effort to discover—and reinforce—the underlying rationale. I have woman friends who are insulted if a man opens a door for them. I also have friends of both sexes who are insulted if someone sees their gray hair and offers them a seat on the subway. But we should never reject kindness, especially from someone who is remembering childhood lessons in courtesy. It is important to appeal to what people regard as the best in themselves.
    Dialogues between communities are hindered by the fact that members describe their own faith in terms of ideal norms within the community while outsiders characterize them with negative examples of actual behavior in the past or present. Thus, Christians have mounted crusades and have sometimes owned slaves, Jews have sometimes been moneylenders, Muslims have sometimes become terrorists, and so on and on. Not only do such behaviors shape the response of others but we tend to be subtly influenced by our own behavior, wanting to feel justified. In each case, there are those who will rightly argue that the behavior was not representative. In no case does everyone who adheres to a belief system live up to the ideals of that system. Yet time and again we find examples of belief leading to altruistic behavior and to the institutionalization of altruism.
    Passing on tradition is important, but there is more than one way to do it. One of the most striking aspects of the way we are beginning to spend our years of unanticipated longevity is the importance of ongoing learning and the willingness to learn, the readiness to set what has seemed important over a lifetime of experience and reflection into dialogue with new ideas and new scientific discoveries. Across the country, educational institutions are