Cut and Run 4 - Divide and Conquer

before yanking
    away violently.
    Nick pushed him away and put out his hand to stop Ty from
    coming closer. “God! We never were good at self-control.” He
    wouldn‟t look Ty in the eye. “Just let me go.”
    “Okay,” Ty agreed in a stricken voice.
    Nick reached for the door of the cab and yanked it open almost
    angrily. “Oorah, Grady,” he said with a sad smile before he disappeared
    into the dark car. Ty was left standing alone on the street as the
    taillights faded off into the night.

    TY TRIED to tell himself he didn‟t need to go home to Zane tonight. It
    was cruel to have alcohol on his breath around Zane, and he‟d already
    done it once this week. His other choices were a hotel or Zane‟s
    apartment, but Ty had been drinking, so he couldn‟t drive, and he
    didn‟t want to have to catch a cab. Mostly, he really didn‟t need Zane
    to hear the guilt and confusion and myriad of other emotions Ty knew
    he wouldn‟t be able to keep out of his voice. He should just call Zane,
    tell him he and the guys were crashing at a hotel, hole up for the night,
    and pretend nothing had happened when he woke up hungover.
    But he knew he couldn‟t do that.
    When he got home, he was still warring with himself over
    whether he should even tell Zane about what had happened tonight.
    He‟d outed not only himself, but Zane as well, without truly thinking it
    through. And then there was the kiss.
    It wasn‟t like Ty had ever been celibate. Zane knew he‟d gotten
    around and wasn‟t shy about sex. But Ty had never been with anyone
    he‟d hidden from Zane, and since they‟d been partnered permanently,
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    Ty hadn‟t been with anyone else, period. Ty knew it was just a simple
    kiss, but for him there was no gray area when it came to sex. Either you
    cheated or you didn‟t.
    He didn‟t believe Zane was fucking anyone else, but just the
    thought made Ty cringe. It seemed so unlikely, since they were
    together so much… but really they weren’t . Obstacles and
    commitments separated them every day: different projects at work, the
    softball league, AA meetings, Ty‟s running and Zane‟s weightlifting,
    various and sundry other off-hours pursuits. Throw in the very
    necessary secrecy that shrouded their relationship, and it was kind of
    amazing that they were still together at all. But they were, every night
    that work allowed, despite everything that tried to divide them.
    Ty didn‟t know if Zane wanted his loyalty, but he had it
    nonetheless. Semper Fi.
    The real question Ty found himself grappling over was how Zane
    would take it when he told him about tonight. Would he see it as a
    threat? Emotional blackmail? Ty didn‟t think so, but he‟d found there
    were still times he couldn‟t predict how Zane would react.
    It was dark and quiet in the house. Zane must have gone to bed. A
    wave of desperate relief washed over Ty, and within minutes he was
    sitting on the back step with a cheap cigar and a couple of bottles to
    help extend the buzz and ward off the winter chill.
    Uncounted minutes later, his entire body still pinged pleasantly,
    courtesy the two hard lemonades on top of the beer he‟d had at the bar.
    He was just drunk enough that he didn‟t have to think too hard about
    what had happened tonight anymore. He held the cheap cigar in his
    fingers, puffing on it occasionally and blowing smoke rings into the
    dark. He didn‟t like to smoke the good ones when he was drunk. It
    seemed a waste.
    The door behind him creaked open, drawing Ty‟s attention, and
    he closed his eyes as Zane stepped out onto the stoop. Nerves assaulted
    him all over again.
    “Ty?” Zane asked hesitantly.
    “Yeah, I‟m here,” he answered immediately, not even
    entertaining the idea of not doing so. He had yet to take advantage of
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    his partner‟s inability to see, even for fun and games. He wasn‟t about
    to start now.
    Zane stepped just outside the door. “I smelled the cigar. You guys
    have a good time?”
    Ty lowered his head as another wave of guilt and anger and regret
    and desire coursed through him. It was such a wash of confusing
    emotions he wasn‟t quite sure how to deal with it, and the alcohol
    wasn‟t helping. He looked back up and took another drag of the cigar,
    holding in the fragrant smoke and then exhaling heavily. Smoke
    billowed out in front of him. “I outed myself tonight,” he told Zane in a
    marginally surprised voice.
    Zane‟s eyes