Cutler 05 - Darkest Hour

the carriage, the cries. I recognized Mr. Thompson's voice and I heard the twins crying and then it grew deadly silent. Vera brought me a tray.
    "It's all over now," she told me. "He's been taken away."
    "Who has?"
    "The young man who fell from the roof," Vera said.
    "Oh. Did we know him, Vera?" She shook her head. "Still, it's horrible. What about Mamma? Did she see and hear all the commotion?"
    "No. Sometimes, her condition is a blessing," Vera said. "She didn't come out of her bedroom this morning. She's in bed, reading."
    "Good," I said. "I don't want another thing to disturb her. Is Papa home yet?"
    "No, not yet," Vera said. She shook her head. "Poor thing. I'm sure you'll be the first to know when he is." She watched me sip my tea and spoon up some of the hot oatmeal. Then she left.
    I finished eating as quickly as I could and then decided I would get up and get dressed. I was sure Papa would permit me to leave my room today when he returned. My punishment would be over and I wanted to plan some things for Niles and myself to do. If Papa would permit me to leave the house, to take a walk, I would go over to the Thompsons and visit. I wanted to see all the wonderful gifts the twins must have surely gotten. And while I was there, of course, I would see Niles and perhaps he would walk me home. We might even make a detour to the magic pond.
    I went to my vanity table, brushed out my hair and tied a pink ribbon in it. I put on a bright blue dress and waited patiently, sitting by the windows and looking out at the soft blue sky, imagining what the various puffs of clouds resembled. One looked like a camel because of the rise in the middle and one looked like a turtle. It was a game Niles and I played at the pond. He would say, "I see a boat," and I would have to point to the cloud. I bet he's sitting at his window and doing the same thing right now, I thought. I just bet he is. That was the way we were—always thinking and feeling the same things at the same time. We were meant to be lovers.
    When Papa came home, his steps on the stairway were so heavy and hard, his pounding boots reverberated down the corridor. They seemed to shake the very foundation of the plantation house and echo through all the walls. It was as though a giant was coming home, the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk. Papa opened my door slowly. Filling the doorway with his wide shoulders, he stood there silently gazing in at me. His face was crimson, his eyes wide.
    "Hello, Papa," I said and smiled. "It's pretty outside today, isn't it? Did you have a successful business trip?"
    "What have you done?" he asked, his voice throaty. "What new terrible shame and humiliation have you brought to the house of Booth?"
    "I didn't disobey you, Papa. I stayed in my room last night just as you ordered and I'm very sorry for the pain I brought to you. Can't you forgive me now? Please?"
    He grimaced as if he had just put a rotten pecan in his mouth.
    "Forgive you? I don't have the power to forgive you. The minister doesn't even have that power. Only God can forgive you and I'm sure He has His reasons to hesitate. I feel sorry for your soul. It's bound for hell for sure," he said, and shook his head.
    "Oh no, Papa. I'm saying the prayers Emily gave me to say. Look, Papa," I said, and rose to get the sheet of paper on which was the Psalm. I held it out for him to see, but Papa didn't look at it or take it. Instead, he continued to glare, shaking his head more emphatically.
    "You're not going to do anything else to bring shame on this family. You were a burden for me from the very beginning, but I took you in because you were an orphan. Now look at the thanks I get. Instead of blessings raining down on us, we have curses and more curses. Emily's right about you. You're a Jonah and a Jezebel." He pulled himself up into a firm position and lay his sentence on me like a judge from the Bible.
    "From this day forward until I say otherwise, you are not to leave The Meadows. Your schooling's over. You will spend your time in prayer and meditation and I will personally see to your acts of contrition. Now answer me straightforward," he boomed. "Did you let that boy get to know you in a Biblical sense?"
    "What boy, Papa?"
    "That Thompson boy. Did you copulate with him? Did he take your innocence in that bed last night?" he asked, pointing toward my pillow and blanket.
    "Oh no, Papa. Niles respects me. We just danced, really."
    "Danced?" Confusion washed across his eyes.