Days of Love and Blood

was watchin’ from one of the bedrooms on the top floor. You scared her, I think.”
    “But she co uld have told me. She should’ve.”
    “What would y’have done?”
    “I don’t know. I don’t…” I couldn’t respond. I didn’t have the answer.
    “Imagine if it was someone you knew. Would you be able to do anythin’ else?” My shoulders collapsed, defeated.
    “No. I wouldn’t.”
    “So relax.”
    “But I should have known,” I whispered, thinking about my son who was on the farm regularly. I should have been aware of all potential danger.
    “I agree.” I looked up at him and found a completely honest face.
    The sudden roar of heavy rainfall echoed around the house, creating an awkward silence as we both looked to the large kitchen window. Even with Cooper standing there and Ronan sleeping upstairs, I felt alone. I had helped them fight against an army of homicidals, got their farm running with power, invigorated them with my own plans, yet the one person I really knew didn’t trust me with her biggest secret. None of them did. They kept me out of the loop on purpose. Did I really seem like a threat?
    “What are ya thinkin’?” he asked.
    “I need a favor.”
    “What is it?”
    “You can do anything, just don’t laug h. You can say no, you can even tell me to fuck off, just don’t laugh, please. That’s all I ask.” Cooper didn’t say anything but folded his hands in front of him, waiting for my demand.
    “Hold me tonight. ” His lips slightly parted but there was no response. “Just stay and hold me for one night. That’s it, that’s all I want. Just to be held. You’re the only one I feel comfortable asking. You’re the only one I want to ask. I miss the way it feels,” I tried to explain. “To be held. I miss the comfort, feeling safe. I’m not asking for anything more than that.”
    I waited for his response, barel y able to look in his eyes through my own veil of shame. My eyes had reached their fill and I was forced to tilt my head down in order to hide my pathetic desperation. I held my breath and waited but he said nothing. Instead he held out his hand.
    He didn’t say one word as he followed me upstairs. I gave him some old flannel pants and when I slipped under the covers next to him, he held out his arm, openly inviting me into his warmth. I studied his face as I slid closer to him, looking for any signs of bitterness, but they were full of understanding. He let me put my head in the crook of his arm and didn’t jump when I wrapped my arm around his chest. A few minutes later, I felt his thumb lightly rubbing the top of my wrist as it lay across his chest while the arm I rested on encircled me.

Children At Heart
    The pain drifted away while an assortment of drugs dissolved slowly into my veins and I began to alternate between fits of tears and spontaneous, psychotic laughter. Ritchie was still holding my hand with one while his other hand wiped away my tears.
    “You did it,” he whispered. I couldn’t see his mouth move through the blue mask. All I could see were his eyes and they spoke to me. “It’s a boy, Carson. You made a boy.”
    “ Congratulations, Daddy,” one of the nurses said. “Would you like to hold him?”
    Ritchie rose and took the bundle from the nurse. It was hard to focus my eyes so I shut them for a while, but my ears were perfectly in tune. I could hear the squeaking of Ritchie’s shoes against the linoleum as he rocked Ronan back and forth, humming the tune to Arms Wide Open. I listened to him until my mind began to reach for memories and fantasies, and reality switched into dream.
    “Carson, honey. Do you want to hold him?” The sound of Ritchie’s voice and his gentle touch brought me back. It could have been seconds, minutes or even hours later; I wasn’t sure. But I was sure about my answer. I held out my arms and Ritchie gently laid Ronan on top of me.
    “Ronan. Hello Ronan. I’m your mama and you’re my son.” I took in every detail of his tiny bluish face, every line, every curve, every shape. His eyes were closed - his body still and contented in the warm burrito-style wrap. He was perfect. “I’m always going to love you and I’m always going to keep you safe,” I whispered. “And so is your Daddy.” I beamed at Ritchie with a look of pride and accomplishment but his eyes were gone and he didn’t see me. He was weeping behind both hands.

    The morning light peaked in through the open window and set upon my