Days of Love and Blood

my middle finger.
    “It’s become a vendetta. I can’t stop now.”
    “You’re so stubborn.”
    “You just think you can do better because you’re a man.”
    “I never said that,” he sang.
    “You didn ’t have to,” I sang back at him. “And yes, I’m stubborn.” I stood up and raised my screwdriver as a miniature sword. “This crib will stand by my hands alone. I will conquer the crib!”
    “ Good painkillers, honey?”
    “I am woman, hear me roar!”
    “I’m going back to work.”

    Marianna and Gretchen found me on the far side of the house, cleaning away the brush, grass and dead leaves from the foundation. I wasn’t trying to groom the outwardly appearance of the house but rather keep the home intact. Material and growth around the foundation can cause it to weaken over time.
    “Need some help?”
    “Hi, Gretchen. Marianna. I’m almost done.” I raked away the last few traces of leaf litter and twigs and dragged the debris over to the wheelbarrow, then got down on my knees to pull up the flowering shoots and tough weeds. If anything it gave me reason to keep my eyes averted.
    “We haven’t seen you in a while over at the farm,” said Marianna.
    “I’ve had work to do,” I looked up and gave her one of my award-winning fake smiles before resuming my task. “I was planning on coming down in a few days,” I added.
    “ Ivy’s father is gone,” said Gretchen.
    “Mr. Fielding ,” I whispered.
    “She’s going to have a burial for him this afternoon. You’re invited.”
    I stopped digging and sighed, letting my hair fall down over my eyes while my head dropped. I felt Marianna’s hand on my back.
    “She’s not mad at you. But you should probably be there for her.”
    “I loved him too, you know. He was my best friend’s father. I grew up with the man. He was a good man; treated me well. Took care of me like one of his own. He was good friends with my dad, too. I saw him every day - about as much as my own dad. It wasn’t that I didn’t care. I just cared more about Ivy’s safety. Everyone’s safety.”
    “We know,” said Gretchen. “Everyone knows.”
    “I don’t know if it would be good for me to show up.”
    “Ivy wants you there,” urged Marianna. “Everyone wants you there.”
    “Not everyone.”
    “Cooper?”
    I looked up at Gretchen and nodded.
    “Don’t worry, he fights with everyone,” said Marianna. I shook my head and stood up.
    “No, this was different. I really pissed him off.”
    “What happened?” asked Gretchen.
    “I don’t want to talk about it.” I shrugged my shoulders and wiped away the filth on my hands along the length of my jeans. “All in all, I don’t think I should show my face over there for a few more days.”
    “Forget about Cooper and stop thinking about yourself.” I glared at Gretchen while Marianna shifted on her feet. “I don’t mean to sound harsh but it is what it is. Ivy wants you there and she’s the one who just lost her father for good. She needs you.”
    “And you can talk to Cooper while you’re there,” Marianna offered.
    “Not likely,” I muttered under my breath. “No, you’re right. I should be there for Ivy. I’ll be there in a couple hours.”

    I wasn’t mad at Cooper. It was the exact opposite. He was mad at me and I felt guilty. I wanted to avoid him at all costs. I didn’t have the emotional energy to coddle him, beg for forgiveness or help him through his grief. I enjoyed being around him when there were no such obligations. Our relationship changed overnight and now a huge chasm marked the emotional gap neither one of us was willing to cross. Familiarity breeds contempt.
    I was never the first to apologize to anyone as stubborn as I was. Ritchie and Ivy were the only true exceptions. I imagined Cooper was much the same.
    I drove Cassie and Ronan over to Ivy’s farm and was promptly greeted by Solomon when I parked the car as if he had been waiting on my arrival.
    “Gretchen’s wrapping the body now. Hole’s been dug. We’ll be bringing him out any minute. You okay?”
    “I’m fine. Where’s Ivy?”
    “In her room, I suppose.”
    “Think it would be okay if…” I pointed to the front door.
    “I think that would be fine.”
    A few minutes later I was knocking softly on Ivy’s bedroom door. She opened the door and let me in without saying a word. The skin below her eyes was rubbed red-raw but she looked more relieved than anything. Her half-hearted smile told me she