Diana Racine 02 - Goddess of the Moon

like an Indian and didn’t live on the reservation. In fact, he was whiter than me , but he said he was of Indian heritage. The two of them took care of me like a baby while I retched and spasmed and screamed till I thought my lungs would burst. I remember begging them to let me die, but they wouldn’t.”
    Slater stopped and drank some water from the plastic bottle. He ran a moistened tongue over his dry lips. For the first time, Diana saw his vulnerability. A twitch in his cheek, a quiver in his chin. She knew on some level this was tearing him apart and wondered why he chose her to confess his tragedy to . Maybe it was nothing more than expediency, someone to listen. Sitting quietly, she waited for him to continue.
    “The healer took me to a place after I recovered enough to know what was going on. He didn’t live there but came often. He applied traditional Indian healing methods along with alternative medicines to aid my recovery. I stayed there with his disciples for four years. I had no idea where he went when he left , and I never ask ed , but I looked forward to his frequent visits. He and his people taught me respect for the earth, the wind, the trees and,” he pointed, “that table over there.”
    “Animism.”
    Slater kept his eyes on her. He seemed surprised. “You know about Animism?”
    She nodded. “Yes. I came across it during my curious period. The idea that a soul or spirit exist s in every object, even an inanimate one, appealed to me.”
    “ T o me too. Animism is one of man's oldest beliefs, likely dating to the Paleolithic A ge. The men taught me that life exists not only in man but in everything, and that all life is sacred, with no distinction between the spiritual and material, sacred and secular.”
    “Mediums claim that Animism may be the unconscious fabrication of a spirit, and that he or she is actually channeling that spirit.”
    “Yes.”
    “I’m not a medium.”
    “I know, but your gift suggest s you’ve reached a higher plane of thought. I’ve never told anyone this. The only ones who know were involved.”
    “And the castration?”
    “I couldn’t control the sexual urges. My transformation as a eunuch was complete.”
    Diana’s skin prickled at his revelation. “You did what you had to do to live without torture.”
    “Only to a point. The desires are gone, but the reality is still torture. Women like Jeannine Highsmith and others have shown interest over the years, and I still find beautiful women desirable, maybe not sexually, but visually and intellectually.
    “You, for instance. Were I so inclined, I would find you a most appealing partner. I feel liberated in saying that because I know you will take it as a compliment , with no ulterior motive.”
    Diana’s heart rate increased to what seemed a dangerous level. “I’m flattered.” But was she? Edward Slater had an unusual effect on her, as if he emitted a mesmerizing pheromone. “But also uncomfortable.”
    “Please accept my apologies.” He bowed his head. “I don’t want to embarrass you in any way. My honesty often gets me in trouble. You see, because of what I’ve gone through, when I quote that hackneyed expression, ‘ life is short, ’ I mean it as a personal truth. My life may be shorter , because I could face a recurrence of cancer at any time. It’s not unheard of, and I have no illusions. For that reason, sometimes I say what I feel without thinking. Again, I apologize.” Then, his eyes steady on Diana, he sa id, “But I don’t take it back.”
    Heat surged through her, and her body burned as if she were in a sauna. How could she let him get to her? She sought to change the subject and hoped her voice remained steady. “ Did you reunite with your parents ? ”
    Slater smiled as if he realized Diana’s deliberate shift in conversation. “My mother died during my disappearance. She never knew what happened to me. I regret that more than anything ; to have put them both through the uncertainty is unforgivable. My father was happy to see me alive. I told him little of what I’d gone through. He didn’t need to know . He’s since died.”
    Slater drank from his water bottle. “So you see, Diana, I could no more hurt a child or subscribe to evil than I could impregnate a woman. If I’ve been blind to certain things, it’s my failing. Maybe I should have paid more attention to Brigid and Nona and noticed something wasn’t right.”
    “ As a student of mythology, didn’t