Dot (Araminta Hall)

bundle stirred and Dot realised that Mavis was feeding the baby, that the sucking sounds were not a machine, but a contented baby nursing. The world rushed around her, air sucking to and fro through her head. She didn’t feel strong enough to look directly at the baby yet. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
    ‘I don’t know. I wanted to. I tried. I just couldn’t.’
    ‘But you must have been so scared. I can’t believe you did this on your own.’
    ‘It was stupid really.’
    ‘What did your parents say? What happened?’
    ‘I started getting contractions at about midnight last night.’ Mavis grimaced. ‘Ow, shit it hurts.’
    ‘What does?’
    ‘Feeding. It’s a bit like squeezing pins out of your tits.’ Dot laughed. ‘Anyway, I knew what was happening, I’d read it all up on the Internet and I knew I was due around now.’
    ‘Hadn’t you been to the doctor at all?’
    ‘No. I’m an idiot – what can I say? I had this crazy plan to call a cab but I wasn’t prepared for how quickly they happened or how much they hurt and I didn’t want to be alone. So I woke Mum and it was weird. It was almost like she’d guessed or something, like she was prepared. She got straight up and told me to get in the car and I thought she’d appear with Dad and we’d row all the way to the hospital, but she got into the driver’s seat and drove us here.’
    ‘I thought she couldn’t drive?’
    ‘Yeah, that’s what I said to her. But she said it wasn’t that she couldn’t, it was just that she hadn’t done it in years and it was time she started again. Then when we got here she was amazing. All taking charge and rubbing my back and telling them I wanted to get in the pool, when I hadn’t even thought about that. And when I felt like I was dying and was shouting for them to cut me open, she was the one who held my hand and looked into my eyes and told me I could do it.’
    ‘Maybe I should have a baby.’
    ‘She was like a different woman. I can’t explain it. And she is so happy now, she doesn’t even seem to care that Dad’s got the serious arse.’
    The baby jerked her head back and Mavis started cooing, lifting her on to her shoulder and rubbing her back. Her breasts were huge, lined with thick blue veins and dark brown nipples that looked almost grotesque. It all looked more natural than Dot could allow herself to believe, yet here it was, this wasn’t a film, it was real life, raw and ready.
    ‘Can I see her face?’
    Mavis smiled and turned the baby around, holding her gently in the crook of her arm, a part of the body without meaning before this moment. The only visible part of the baby was her head, a tiny circle of red, flaky flesh with eyes shut tight like a kitten, nostrils but no discernible nose and a perfect pair of pouting lips. She was a scrap of life, a mere moment in time and yet she would grow to occupy all their lives, to occupy her own life. The thought was dazzling.
    ‘Oh Mave, she’s gorgeous.’
    ‘Isn’t she?’ said Mavis, without a hint of irony.
    ‘What does it feel like?’
    Mavis shrugged, unable to take her eyes off her daughter. ‘Not what I expected. It’s like my heart’s melted or something, like it’s made of chocolate.’ She ran her finger down her baby’s cheek. ‘She’s so soft and she’s so tiny.’
    ‘Have you got a name for her yet?’
    Mavis blushed. ‘Rose. In fact, I was thinking Rose Dorothy.’
    ‘Really?’
    ‘Of course. You’re my best friend, Dot. I do love you, you know. If I’d have told anyone it would have been you.’
    They looked at Rose together and Dot wondered if she should ask the obvious question. In the end the words ran through her head so persistently she had to simply to say them out loud: ‘Who’s the father?’
    Mavis looked up and she looked scared. ‘Promise you won’t tell Dad.’ Dot nodded. ‘It’s Clive.’
    And again the world swooped, like an eagle going in for the kill. ‘Clive Buzzard?’
    ‘Yes. Dot, please don’t hate me. It only happened once. I couldn’t tell you, it was all so fucked up and I knew you liked him.’
    ‘But when? How?’
    ‘He asked me to give him maths lessons at the end of lower sixth. Apparently the teachers thought he was going to fail and his dad was freaking out. He was really embarrassed by it all and made me promise not to tell anyone and, I don’t know, I guess I was star struck or something because I agreed. And then it went on and on and it seemed like too big a