Ender's Game (Ender Wiggins Saga)

right up here on the examining table. The doctor will be in to see you in a moment.”
      The monitor gone. Ender tried to imagine the little device missing from the back of his neck. I'll roll over on my back in bed and it won't be pressing there. I won't feel it tingling and taking up the heat when I shower.
      And Peter won't hate me anymore. I'll come home and show him that the monitor's gone, and he'll see that I didn't make it, either. That I'll just be a normal kid now, like him. That won't be so bad then. He'll forgive me that I had my monitor a whole year longer than he had his. We'll be-- not friends, probably. No, Peter was too dangerous. Peter got so angry. Brothers, though. Not enemies, not friends, but brothers-- able to live in the same house. He won't hate me, he'll just leave me alone. And when he wants to play buggers and astronauts, maybe I won't have to play, maybe I can just go read a book.
      But Ender knew, even as he thought it, that Peter wouldn't leave him alone. There was something in Peter's eyes, when he was in his mad mood, and whenever Ender saw that look, that glint, he knew that the one thing Peter would not do was leave him alone. I'm practicing piano, Ender. Come turn the pages for me. Oh, is the monitor boy too busy to help his brother? Is he too smart? Got to go kill some buggers, astronaut? No, no, I don't want your help. I can do it on my own, you little bastard, you little Third .
      "This won't take long, Andrew," said the doctor.
      Ender nodded.
      "It's designed to be removed. Without infection, without damage. But there'll be some tickling, and some people say they have a feeling of something missing . You'll keep looking around for something. Something you were looking for, but you can't find it, and you can't remember what it was. So I'll tell you. It's the monitor you're looking for, and it isn't there. In a few days that feeling will pass.”
      The doctor was twisting something at the back of Ender's head. Suddenly a pain stabbed through him like a needle from his neck to his groin. Ender felt his back spasm, and his body arched violently backward; hi head struck the bed. He could feel his legs thrashing, and his hands were clenching each other, wringing each other so tightly that they ached.
      "Deedee!" shouted the doctor. "I need you!" The nurse ran in, gasped.   "Got to relax these muscles. Get it to me, now! What are you waiting for!”
      Something changed hands; Ender could not see. He lurched to one side and fell off the examining table. "Catch him!" cried the nurse.
      "Just hold him steady.”
      "You hold him, doctor, he's too strong for me.”
      "Not the whole thing! You'll stop his heart.”
      Ender felt a needle enter his back just above the neck of his shirt. It burned, but wherever in him the fire spread, his muscles gradually unclenched. Now he could cry for the fear and pain of it.
      "Are you all right, Andrew?" the nurse asked.
      Andrew could not remember how to speak. They lifted him onto the table. They checked his pulse, did other things; he did not understand it all.
      The doctor was trembling; his voice shook as he spoke. "They leave these things in the kids for three years, what do they expect? We could have switched him off, do you realize that? We could have unplugged his brain for all time.”
      "When does the drug wear off'?" asked the nurse.
      "Keep him here for at least an hour. Watch him. If he doesn't start talking in fifteen minutes, call me. Could have unplugged him forever. I don't have the brains of a bugger.”
     
     
     
      He got back to Miss Pumphrey's class only fifteen minutes before the closing bell. He was still a little unsteady on his feet.
      "Are you all right, Andrew?" asked Miss Pumphrey.
      He nodded.
      "Were you ill?”
      He shook his head.
      "You don't look well.”
      "I'm OK.”
        "You'd better sit down, Andrew.”
      He started toward his seat, but stopped. Now what was I looking for? I can't think what I was looking for.
      "Your seat is over there," said Miss Pumphrey.
      He sat down, but it was something else he needed, something he had lost. I'll find it later.
      "Your monitor," whispered the girl behind him.
      Andrew shrugged.
      "His monitor," she whispered to the others.
      Andrew reached up and felt his neck. There was a bandaid. It was gone. He was just like everybody else now.
        "Washed out, Andy?" asked a boy who sat across the aisle and behind