Facade

not to sound condescending but he realized it was a close call. “They don’t climb onto a balcony to spy on the people they’re going to ‘visit’.”
    “It was late, I didn’t—”
    “Nicky!” Jonas interrupted him. He was startled by the loudness of his outburst and momentarily looked at the door, hoping Scott or Ally wouldn’t barge in. “Stop lying to me,” he continued, much softer now.
    “You’re one to demand that,” Nicky murmured.
    Jonas sighed. He knew Nicky was right. “Touché.” He walked over to where Nicky was and pulled up a chair so he could sit close to him. “I didn’t know how to act around you, Nicky,” Jonas said, pausing to think about how he was going to formulate his concerns.
    “You come across as this strong person, but I know how vulnerable you are, deep inside… especially when it comes to personal relationships.”

    Façade
    133
    Nicky’s face became tense again, his lips thin and pursed.
    “The reason I know that is because I’m just like you. I can’t give myself completely either; for fear that I might lose myself. I can’t show my true self, because it leaves me wide open. It’s much easier, in my profession, to come across as this guy who loves his job, but doesn’t have a life of his own.”
    “But you have a lover. And Scott of course, but I knew that.” Nicky was calmer now too, but still a little edgy.
    “I had a lover. Past tense. Yes, we were together for eight years. We haven’t been together for almost two years now.” Jonas didn’t mind confessing this to Nicky.
    “But you still sleep with him?”
    “You were watching then too?” Jonas asked, feeling his walls come up again. How dare he follow him around.
    Nicky shook his head. “I had a private eye follow you. He took pictures through the window of the kitchen here when you and he were kissing, and then you entering his house and leaving in a hurry fifteen minutes later.”
    Jonas inhaled deeply, trying not to feel the bile rise. “Pictures don’t always tell the truth, Nicky. You, being in the public eye, should know that! It’s the story you tell that goes with the pictures!”
    “So tell me the story,” Nicky asked calmly.
    Jonas closed his eyes and sighed. What did he have to lose by telling the truth? It wasn’t as if Nicky had ever really been his.
    “Eduardo comes to see me whenever I’m here. He always says it’s on his jogging route. We used to still have sex, despite the fact we weren’t together anymore. He was here one day in between our week in London and my visit to Paris. We didn’t sleep together then, but he wanted to. He tried very hard to seduce me, but I wouldn’t bite that time. Then you called and I came to Paris.” Jonas paused, wondering if Nicky would supply his own version of what happened in Paris, but he didn’t. “I felt so cheap, so dirty when you dismissed me at your atelier.”

    134
    Zahra
    Owens
    “I’m sorry,” Nicky said, barely audibly.
    Jonas could tell he had a hard time keeping his face neutral.
    The emotions trying to find their way to the surface were all too clear. “I felt like a fifty dollar whore, Nicky. Like a guy you pick up off the street to fuck and then send on his way.” He heard Nicky apologize again, saw him wanting to say more, but he stopped him by raising his hand. “I flew back here and went to Eduardo’s apartment to release the tension. I thought by giving him what he wanted from me, I could shake this feeling of worthlessness. He needed me and I wanted to give him what he needed. When all the while I just wanted you to need me for more than sex.” Nicky looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. “I thought I was just a client to you. I thought you making me feel loved was just your talent, what made you so highly regarded by your clients. I never realized….”
    Jonas moved closer to Nicky, cupping his head with his hands and then wrapping his arms around the thin frame, holding the young man’s head against his chest. He loosened his grip slightly when he felt Nicky wince in pain, but he didn’t let go completely.
    “I’m still a bit upset about you stalking me.”
    “I’m upset about you having a lover I didn’t know about.”
    “Ex-lover,” Jonas corrected.
    “Yeah, yeah, half ex,” Nicky said, trying to joke. “And how miserable were you, shagging Scott like that?”
    “Well, if you hadn’t been there watching, you wouldn’t have known that, but then you knew! I told you about