Faded (Rock Star Trilogy)

You can play it for us both.”
    Five minutes later, we are all three sitting on Alec’s bed, and they watch me as I play the song. The song I wrote for Stephan. The song I wrote for me . I poured my heart and soul into the lyrics. They’re so personal, and I’m honestly scared to play it for them.
    My heart is literally breaking as I sing the song. I thought writing it would make me feel better, but if anything, it makes me feel worse. My chest feels heavy. But I continue playing, and singing, because it’s what I do. I sing. I perform. I pour my heart and soul into my music.
    After I’m finish singing, I look up at Bridgett who is crying. “That was beautiful, Scar.”
    Alec nods his head in agreement. “We have a hit.”
    “You need to call Stephan and tell him how you feel.”
    “ NO !” Alec yells. “First, let’s record the song. You can’t fake that kind of emotion. After you record the song, you can sing it for him. But we need to get this recorded right now ! I’m going to call Otto.”
    While Alec calls Otto, I grab a quick shower. As soon as I’m out, Alec is knocking on the door telling me to hurry. I throw my wet hair up into a bun and toss on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. The best part of going to the studio is I don’t have to dress up.
    I grab my favorite guitar — my red, Gibson Les Paul, and we head toward the studio. Even after being awake all night, I’m still not tired. In fact, I feel exhilarated.
    When we get there, I go right in and start recording. I lay down all the tracks without a hitch, and by 11 AM, my song is recorded.
    No.
    Not my song.
    It’s Stephan’s song .
    It feels good. I still can’t believe we got a perfect song recorded in less than six hours. It has to be some kind of record.
    We head home while Otto mixes the track, and I head straight to bed and crash.
     
    3:17 PM
    Slutty zombie.
     
    I wake up when I feel my bed move. I look at the clock to see that it is well after three PM, and I missed yet another day of school. I don’t have to look beside me to know that Stephan is there.
    I roll over. “Hey,” I say groggily.
    “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
    “It’s okay.”
    “I missed you at school today. When I came to get you this morning, nobody was here. I was worried,” he says.
    “I am sorry that I made you worry, but I wrote a Grammy worthy song , or so says Otto, Bridgett, and Alec. I was forced to record it before it lost any magic , so Alec says.”
    “Can I hear it?”
    It’s Stephan’s simple question that makes me panic, and I have to ask myself: WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?
    Oh my God, I just wrote an entire song about Stephan. I basically confessed my love to him.
    Maybe he won’t know.
    Of course he will know , I argue with myself.
    Stephan is staring at me, waiting for my response. And for a moment I think, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if Stephan knew how I felt. The truth is I am in love with him . I want to tell him every single day of my life.
    But then I think back to how he reacts every time I say the L word . He always freaks out. I don’t want him to freak out. I want him to love me back. If he knew I wrote a song about my love for him, he would probably break my heart… Only Stephan doesn’t just have the ability to break it. He would shred it up, set it on fire, and spread the ashes in the deepest parts of the ocean. I would never be able to repair the damage.
    That or he would tell me he loves me too.
    I’m still not okay with the odds.
    “No,” I finally say. It’s a simple answer.
    He waits for an explanation. Well, too bad for him, he’s so not getting one. Ever. In fact, I am going to make sure he never, ever, EVER hears the song.
    Ever .
    Great. Now I’m singing Taylor Swift in my head.
    “Why can’t I hear it?”
    “Because the song is about you.”
    Fuck. I am pretty sure I just said that out loud . I instantly slap my hands over my mouth.
    “You wrote a song for me?” He is smiling. “Scarlett, I have to hear it. Nobody has ever written me a song before.”
    “You can’t hear it. Ever . I’m serious. I didn’t really think about you hearing it when I recorded it. I wrote it to make myself feel better. And then it was six in the morning, and I hadn’t slept. So I played it for Alec and Bridge. Who told me it was awesome. And they made me record it before you heard it, ‘cause if you heard it, it would lose the feeling. But now that I recorded it, I wish I hadn’t. Because you