Faded (Rock Star Trilogy)

lose myself with him. I need him to touch me. I take his hand and place it under my shirt. It’s my way of telling him to touch me. There is no way I am going to stop kissing him long enough to actually say the words.
    He climbs on top of me, and puts his leg in between mine. I tug up on his shirt, and he takes the hint. He stops kissing me long enough to throw it off. He’s only gone for a second before he puts his lips back on mine. He starts kissing my neck, and then pulls at the bottom of my tank top. He looks at me, waiting for me to say yes or no. I nod my head. I want every inch of clothing between us gone. Once my tank top is gone, he unclasps my bra and throws it on top of the ever growing pile of clothes on the floor. He stops kissing me long enough to stop and admire my body. He runs his hands over my breasts.
    “You are beautiful,” he whispers to me.
    Before I even have a chance to respond, He starts kissing me again — on my lips, down my neck, and across my breasts. I want more. No, I need more .
    I pulled down my skirt, and Stephan gives me a wicked grin as he throws it on the floor. I unzipped his jeans, and he slipped out of them and his boxers. The only thing between us is my very thin, black lace thong. As his lips found mine again, I could feel just how bad that he wanted me.
    His hands explore my body, and with every touch I feel myself losing control.
    “I want you so bad,” he whispers against my lips.
    He wants me.
    But does he love me?
    I pull away, just a little. I have to stop. I can’t keep going, no matter how bad I want to. Not until I know if he loves me. But I am not about to ask him right here, because I know guys well enough to know that he would say about anything to get me to sleep with him.
    “Maybe I should go.”
    Stephan groans, and falls onto the bed next to me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”
    “You didn’t push me. I’m sorry I let it go that far.”
    “We’ve been dating just over a month. It was too soon. I understand.”
    I laugh at his statement. I’ve had my fair share of one-night stands. And if sex were all I wanted from him, I would have fucked him my first night in Hope. But I want so much more. I need to know that he loves me.
    “It’s not the amount of time,” I say to him, as I get up and start putting on my clothes. “I’m just going to go home tonight. I’m sorry.”
    I looked at Stephan one last time. He was lying naked on his bed, and the hurt look on his face was killing me. I knew that I should turn around and tell him exactly what I was thinking, but I couldn’t. So I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I walked away.

 
     
    Saturday, November 1
    9:07 AM
    I will show them all
     
    I hear a knock on my door, so I roll over and look at the clock. It is Saturday morning, and I honestly didn’t plan on getting out of bed all day. My head is pounding, and I feel hung over despite the fact that I haven’t drunk alcohol in months.
    “Go away!” I yell at the door, and then put my head back onto my pillow.
    Ignoring my request, my door opens. I don’t look up to see how it was, because truthfully, I don’t care. I don’t want to see anybody.
    “You need to come downstairs. Your lawyer is here to go over Barry’s contract with you,” I hear Alec say.
    I just lay there staring at the ceiling. “Tell him to come back later. I have a headache, and I don’t want to deal with it right now.”
    “Get the fuck out of your bed right now and get dressed,” Alec demands. “I don’t care what your problem is. This is your job. I put my career on hold so I could help you. Now you’re going to get your ass downstairs within the next five minutes, or I am going to drag you down there myself.”
    Alec walks out, shutting the door behind him. I force myself to get out of bed. Despite what my personal problems are, Alec is right. It’s my job, and I have to do this right now whether I want to or not.
    I look down at my favorite green sweat pants, and my pink tank top. “Works for me.”
    I brush my teeth and then head down stairs. I don’t feel like getting dressed up, so I’m not going to.
    “Miss Ryan,” the lawyer greets me as I walk into the living room. He’s wearing a suit, as always.
    “Hey, Mr. Matthews,” I say. “How does the contract look?”
    “Well, it looks quite favorable… IF your new song is successful,” he hesitates. I can tell he’s not too excited about telling me the next part.