Faster We Burn

opened the door to our room, nearly knocking the wind out of me.
    “Are you okay? I know you’re probably not and that’s a stupid question to ask, but I have to ask because I care about you and I’m your friend.” I patted her back and she let me go.
    “I’m fine,” I said in a voice that didn’t sound like mine. In reality, I didn’t really care. He could rot in jail for the rest of his natural life. I didn’t know why they’d involved me, honestly. I was trying to move on, and this wasn’t helping. I almost said something to Lottie, but she looked so concerned that I swallowed my bitter words.
    She kept rubbing my shoulder and sat down with me on my bed. Will was furiously texting Audrey and Zan was staring at me with eyes that burned almost as intensely as Stryker’s. They were two of a kind. They saw what you tried to hide, but at least they kept their mouths shut about it. Most of the time.
    “I think we need to go out,” Lottie announced, standing up. We all looked at her as if she’d lost her damn mind, me included. A second ago, she’d been whispering soothing things like I was going to have a mental breakdown or something.
    “Now?” Will said, his fingers still flying. “You really think now is a good time?”
    “Well, not right now. Tonight. If we all sit around here thinking about this we’re going to go crazy. Am I right?” Zan put his hand on her shoulder and kissed her cheek. How was it that he and Zack shared so much DNA, but they’d turned out two completely different people? The more I lived, the more I decided life didn’t make any sense.
    “I think it’s a good idea. You in, Will?” Zan said, putting his arm around Lottie.
    Will nodded, not looking up from his phone. “Just let me ask Aud.”
    “And we can bring Simon. He’s been dying to show off his new boyfriend. And we can have Trish and Stryker.” Lottie looked at me when she said his name, and emphasized both syllables. Not this again.
    He was the last person I wanted to see right now, but I shut my mouth and let them chatter away. Maybe it could be good. Going out in a group. Normal. I could be normal. Or at least pretend. Just because we were going out in a group and there would be talking, didn’t mean our relationship would change from our current “just sex” arrangement. No, we would put on a show for our friends and then go back to the way it had been.
    “Sounds great,” I said with a smile that felt almost real. I waited until after Lottie told me was coming and then escaped to the bathroom to call him.
    “Hey. I’m not calling you for sex. I just want to set some ground rules for this group thing,” I said before he could get a word in.
    “Hello to you, too. If you’re going to ask me to be a douchebag in front of my friends, the answer is no.”
    I took a breath, hoping he didn’t take it the wrong way. “I wasn’t going to ask that, actually. I was going to ask if we could put that on hold for tonight. You can be nice to me in front of everyone. I don’t want them to know that we’re just having sex, even if that’s what we’re doing.”
    “Why not?”
    “Because…”
    “Because you don’t want them to think less of you. I get it, Katie. Jesus, you drive a hard bargain. What if I wasn’t so compliant to your wishes? I mean, you say, ‘Jump,’ and I ask how high, and then you say, ‘Stand still,’ and I stand still. Not that I don’t get anything out of it, but damn.”
    “Then why do you do it?”
    “I’m still figuring that out. Can’t the sex be enough of a reason right now?”
    “Sure. Fine. Just don’t think this is an invitation to change our current arrangement. I’m fine with it.”
    He paused for a long time before he said, “Me too.”
    The door to the bathroom opened and I stopped talking.
    “Katie?” Lottie’s voice echoed off the tile floor.
    “Yeah?” I said, hoping Stryker would get the hint. I could hear him listening intently.
    “You okay? Are you talking to someone?”
    “My mom just called. I was just filling her in. She’s freaking out.”
    He laughed a little and I had to fight the urge to shush him. “Oh, so I’m your mother now, am I? I can handle being a douche, but that’s a stretch, even for me.”
    “Shut up,” I hissed at him and he laughed again.
    “What?” Lottie said.
    “Nothing. Bye, Mom . I’ll call you later.”
    “Bye, sweetheart. Make sure to do your homework and eat all your vegetables,” Stryker said in a