Faster We Burn

would have a scrub brush and a bucket of industrial strength cleaner out quicker than you could say, “Mr. Clean”. That was fine. Next time I was home, I’d do the same thing again. What was she going to do? Scrub my walls every time? Remove all the markers like I was five?
    Dad was feeling better and up and about, and gave me a nice long hug before I left.
    “Believe in yourself, Katiebug. I know I do.”
    Mom’s hug was quick and limp. She was still pissed about the cleaning, but she told me she loved me and I said it back, because, at the end of the day, I did love her.
    Kayla had left the day before with Adam because they had to get back to Africa. She’d given me a gigantic hug and said that she was planning to buy a computer so we could Skype. Adam also gave me a hug and a wink and said he’d see me on the flipside. I gave Kayla a look, but she just gazed adoringly at him.
    My drive back to school seemed to take longer than normal, and it wasn’t because I drove slower. Or maybe I did, unconsciously. I was more than eager to get back to the dorm, back to my life, or whatever it was now, but there was just one little thing holding me back. Well, one big thing. Named Stryker Abraham Grant.
    I had no idea what his parents were thinking when they named him, but for some reason, his name made complete sense.
    I turned on the radio, irritated at myself for thinking about him. Why did I feel like I’d just been through another breakup? We weren’t even together. Stryker and I…we weren’t even friends. So why did I feel like I wanted to wallow in misery and never leave my bed again?
    Stupid boy. Stupid boy and his stupid blond hair and his green eyes and his musical talent and his lips that kissed like he was trying to put out a fire and his smirk and his tattoos and his hips and his hands and…
    Stupid, stupid, stupid boy.
     
    ***
     
    “I’ve missed you so much. Is that weird? I know I just saw you a few days ago, and we talked on the phone, but it feels like forever and I’m just really glad you’re back,” Lottie said the second I walked into our room and dropped my bag. Damn, I’d even missed her verbal vomit.
    My face cracked into a smile before I realized what I was doing.
    “So how were things at casa Hallman?”
    “Faaaabulous,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I managed to piss my mom off at least once a day.”
    “Yeah, well I thought Trish and Will were going to kill each other over a simple game of Monopoly, so I get it.” No, she didn’t. Everyone loved Lottie. Even when she wouldn’t stop talking. It added to her adorably awkward personality.
    I shoved aside my problems and we caught up. God, I’d missed her so much.
    “So what happened with Stryker? With the whole apology thing?” I had been vague on the details of my little Thanksgiving stunt. Especially since it ended up blowing up in my face.
    “I drove my ass back to his apartment and cooked him dinner in the middle of the night. Then we went to bed and when we got up he said he didn’t want to see me anymore, which is dumb, because we weren’t dating.”
    Her expression was confused. I hadn’t told her I was dating him, but I hadn’t told her I wasn’t. It was exactly as Stryker said. I didn’t want her to think less of me.
    “You weren’t?”
    “Not really.” I sunk back into the mountain of pillows on my bed. I’d missed that too. There was nothing quite like falling into them after a shitty day.
    “So you guys weren’t dating, but you broke up?”
    “I guess. All I know is that he doesn’t want to see me anymore. So I’m not going to see him anymore.”
    “By see him you mean…”
    I started laughing again.
    “I don’t even know what that means either.”
    A loud and frantic knock put pause on that conversation. Audrey and Trish burst in, Will, Simon and Zan following along behind a little less enthusiastically.
    I was hugged and I couldn’t help but hug and smile back. I’d missed them. I didn’t know how much until I saw all of them standing in front of me. Even Zan, who gave me a semi-hug and a smile. I almost asked him about Zack. Almost.
    The words drowned in my throat and I wasn’t going to bail them out.
    We all ended up sitting on our floor, passing around the leftover pies Audrey brought up, eating straight from the pans, all our forks fighting for the best bites, and swapping holiday stories. I sat back against a pile of my pillows and listened. It was such a relief to fall back into