Faster We Burn

then tensed back up. I knew she was berating herself for laughing and having a good time on the day of her dad’s funeral. Like she wasn’t allowed to have fun anymore, which was so beyond wrong, but I couldn’t tell her that. She had to figure it out for herself. If there was anything I knew about Katie, it was that she had do things her own way.
    In the back of my mind, the guilt for my drunken night with Ric hovered, keeping me up when I tried to sleep and whispering in my ear every time Katie looked at me like she was glad I was here, that she needed me.
    I was going to help get her through this and then I’d have to pull myself out of her life. But for right now, I was going to help her get through the next few hours, the next few days, until she could do it on her own again.
     
    Katie
     
    The funeral was nice. The flowers were nice and everyone said nice things and smiled nice and cried nice and it was all nice, nice, nice.
    I hated every second of it. All I wanted to do was push one of the windows open and jump, or pull the fire alarm, which was exactly in my line of vision. I wondered what my mother would have said if I’d have done it.
    I wished Stryker could have sat with me, but he was stuck a row behind. As much as I was sick of people hugging me and consoling me and touching me, I wished my hand was in his for the service.
    I snuck a few looks back at him and he gave me a little smile each time. At one point I heard a cough and glanced back to see him holding his hand over his mouth, and on the back of his hand was drawn, here 4 U.
    Thank you , I mouthed at him and turned back around. Leave it to Stryker to always have a marker on him.
    The rest of my friends were relegated to the very back of the room, but Zan was so tall I could see his dark head of hair every time I turned.
    His parents were here, too, also sitting in the back. I’d seen them come in, but I was waiting for the moment when they came through the line to pay their respects. His mother had never liked me. Not that it mattered now.
    They played James Taylor, Dad’s favorite, as people lined up to hug and tell us how sorry they were.
    More words, words, words and talking, talking, talking. I wished I could put them all on mute, like an annoying commercial.
    Yes, they were sorry about Dad, but you could tell that every single one of them was glad it wasn’t their family, that it wasn’t their dad or uncle or brother. They couldn’t hide it, when they looked at you. That little glimmer of pity and relief.
    After the service we all drove over to the local VFW hall to have a little open house my Mom and Aunt Carol had organized. It was a way to allow people to make more sympathy casseroles stuffed with tuna and peas and sorry for your losses.
    I wanted to skip the whole thing, but Mom would have killed me.
    “You guys don’t have to come,” I said as we stood in the parking lot. The air was so cold that it made our lungs and throat hurt when we breathed in, and it smelled like snow. Dad always claimed he could smell the snow, and Mom always said he was crazy.
    “Are you kidding? We wouldn’t miss it,” Lottie said, giving me a little side hug. I actually didn’t mind her hugs. She was so tiny that they were never smothering.
    “We’re all here for you, girl,” Trish said and they all agreed.
    God, I didn’t deserve them and that was the thing that brought my first tears forward in days. During the service I’d pretended because what kind of horrible daughter didn’t sob at her dad’s funeral?
    “Here.” Stryker was prepared with a crisp white handkerchief that looked like he’d just taken it out of a package.
    “Thanks,” I said, taking it. I should probably be with my mom and Kayla and the rest of my family.
    “We should probably head over,” I said to Stryker.
    “You should go with your family. I’ll be right behind you.” Mom and Kayla walked out of the funeral home and I could tell they were looking for me.
    He flashed the words written on his hand and started walking toward his car. I said goodbye to everyone else and walked toward Mom and Kayla, giving each of them hugs.
    Only a few days ago my biggest problem was that Mom didn’t like Stryker and he was pushing me away. How fast things could change.

 
     
    Chapter Twenty-one
     
     
    Stryker
     
    We all made it through the open house and then it was time for everyone to get back to school, and it was time for me to go with them.
    “So, I’m going