Fear of Falling

pillows before I could protest.
    “You know exactly what I’m talking about, Kam. Spill the deets about the bartender, and don’t leave out a single morsel. And if you tell us there’s nothing going on, Dom and I will hold you down and tickle you until you pee. We will piss the truth out of you one way or another.”
    “Yeah, Kam,” Dom added. “What’s up with you two? The sexual tension was stinkin’ up the place like a fog machine. Start talking.”
    I rolled my eyes and sighed, pulling my comforter over my head. “Not you too, Dom. I thought we had an understanding? You don’t see me questioning you about every walking vag you talk to.”
    “That’s different,” Angel interjected. “He doesn’t know or care about any of those skanks enough to answer any questions.”
    I felt Dom shrug beside me. “True story.”
    “Besides,” Angel continued, “this is a first for you. For all of us, really. You like him, Kam. Like him -like him. This is a pretty big fucking deal!”
    I pulled the covers down from over my head and frowned at both of them. “Who said I liked him? I don’t even know the guy.”
    “Ah, but you want to know him. And that’s the part that counts.” Angel wrapped her slender arm around my waist and rested her head on my shoulder. “Come on, just throw us a bone. Just a teeny tiny bone, and we’ll leave you alone.”
    I felt my face heating under their expectant stares and could feel my annoyance meter rising. “Why do you two even care? It’s not like I haven’t ever been with a guy before. Shit, I just got out of a pseudo relationship like a month ago.”
    Angel let out an exasperated sigh. “But you know that shit wasn’t real, Kam. Stop dickin’ around, and tell us the truth. Do you like this guy or not? And remember, I know when you’re lying to me. I have a bullshit-ometer. My nipples twitch whenever someone lies.”
    Dominic and I locked eyes before bursting with uncontrollable laughter. Big, ugly guffaws that had us sprouting tears and snorting.
    “What?” Angel trilled. “I’m serious! They seriously do twitch!” And with that, she raised her camisole and flashed us her C-cups, causing us to laugh even harder.
    “Ewww, get those things off me! And that is the biggest crock of shit I have ever heard, and you know it!” I squeaked just as she pinched my arm. “Ow! Don’t be mad because it’s true!”
    Our spoiled little brat scrambled to her feet and poked out her bottom lip, glaring down at Dom and me with contempt. It only fueled our hysterics.
    “Fine! I can see my special services aren’t needed.” And with that, she stomped off to her room.
    “Dude, something is seriously wrong with her,” I remarked as soon as we came down from our amused high.
    “I know,” he said shaking his head. Silence stretched between us before Dom wrapped an arm around me, easing my head onto his bare chest. “You would tell me, right? If you needed someone to talk to… you’d come to me, right?”
    “Of course, Dom. You know I would.”
    More silence blanketed the words we both needed to say but couldn’t—wouldn’t—because they’d become more real. We had lived through unspeakable things, had defeated most of our demons the best way we knew how, yet we were both cowards when it came to facing the unknown. Our emotions, our wants, our desires… we ran from them. Our hearts had been banished to a strange land that we seldom visited. It was easier this way. It made dealing with who we were more tolerable. It remedied the fear enough to get through each day.
    With a chaste kiss on my cheek, Dominic slipped his arm from under my head and climbed out of bed. I understood. It was his way of escaping the subject, though he truly wanted to be a good friend and push for more. Somehow, over the years, we had become kindred souls. And as hard as it was for me to open up, it was just as hard for him to digest those foreign feelings.
    “It’s ok, you know. It’s ok if you care,” he said just as he reached my bedroom door. “It won’t make you weak or stupid. It doesn’t mean he’ll be like… him .”
    I nodded because it seemed like the right thing to do. But it didn’t mean I agreed.

    I settled into my new job, and my new life, over the next week, every day grasping a piece of normalcy and working to feel more content in my own skin. Working with Blaine had proven to be interesting, to say the least, but he had stowed the bulk of his intensity. It seemed