Fear of Falling

sans tattoos and piercings.
    “You’d be surprised,” he answered rubbing a hand behind is neck.
    I took a deep breath and turned around to face him, resigning to confront the real reason I was there while the wine was coursing through me.
    “Before you say a word,” Blaine interjected, “I want you to know that you still have a place at Dive. Just because things may not work out for us, doesn’t mean you have to leave. I can schedule you with Trisha or Corey, or you can work alone. Or…”
    “Wait…what?” I frowned, taking a step back. “You… you think I came here to break things off with you?”
    Blaine shrugged. “I don’t know. What was I supposed to think, Kami? I haven’t heard from you in days, and now you just show up, looking… fine. Better than fine. Shit, you look amazing. And here I am, going out of my fucking mind worrying about you. So please, tell me what I was supposed to think.”
    He didn’t sound or look upset. He seemed hurt. And I felt like a huge asshole for making him worry.
    “I’m sorry, I, uh, just needed some space and time to get my head together.”
    “And now?” he asked with a raised brow.
    “Now? Shit… I don’t know what. I, uh, you know…” Words failed me. Even the conversation I had on repeat in my head on the way over was long forgotten. I didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know how to make him see that, though I was damaged, I still wanted him. And dammit, I wanted him to want me too. Not out of pity or obligation. But out of love.
    Fuck. There’s that word again.
    “You know…” I began chewing my lip nervously. I couldn’t do this. I didn’t even understand why I thought I could. No one could truly love a person like me. I was broken beyond repair. It would be selfish of me to expect him to be placated when I knew he deserved so much more. Someone normal and healthy. Someone who wasn’t afraid to love him as furiously as I wished I could.
    “Shit, I’m sorry, Blaine. I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” I shoved my empty wine glass in his hands and turned towards the door before the first tears could be seen. I had to get away from here. I had to get away from him. With the impulse to stay and fall into his arms growing stronger by the second, I knew that my resistance wouldn’t hold much longer.
    “Stop, Kami!” he called out.
    I forced my legs to carry me to the door though my heart crumbled with every step. It was breaking, the new fractures disrupting its previously restored state. It was all my fault this time. I would have rather suffer alone than throw him into the thick of it.
    I pulled the doorknob open, only to have Blaine slam it shut before I could escape.
    “Dammit, Kami! Stop this shit! Will you stop trying to run from me all the time? It’s obvious that you came here to say something, so just say it. If you want to tell me how you feel, say it. If you want tell me I’m an asshole, say it. If you never want to see me again, then fucking say it! But I’m not just gonna make this easy for you. So if we’re done, you have to say the words.”
    He pressed his front into my back, the heat of his anger seeping into my skin and causing sweat to break out all over my body. My breath caught at the feel of his hard body encapsulating mine.
    “Blaine…I… I ca–,”
    “Yes you can,” he gritted. “You came all the way here. Spit it out, so you can go back to not giving a shit about me, and I can start not giving a shit about you.”
    I pushed against him and spun around, pinning him with my own angered glare. “What? You think I don’t give a shit about you? You think I came here because I don’t have feelings for you?”
    “It’s obvious you don’t.”
    I let out a frustrated huff, causing my nipples to brush his chest. “You don’t know a damn thing. It’s because I care that I’m even here. Do you think this was easy for me? Do you think this shit doesn’t kill me just to think about?”
    Blaine took a step back and ran a hand through his wayward locks before stalking back into the room. “How am I supposed to know that, when you shut me out?” He looked back at me with enraged confusion. “Kami, I know nothing about you. All I see is this gorgeous girl who looks like she is carrying the weight of the world on her back. And every time I try to help shoulder that burden, every time I get too close, you try to run. So please… help me understand what I’m missing. Because I’m tired of trying to