Fifty Shades of Alice Through the Looking Glass (Second Book of the 50 Shades of Alice Trilogy)

tried to stand, but her legs wouldn’t support her. Gnat had to help Alice to her feet and keep an arm around her waist.
    “Well, you could go through the orchard and meet with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. If you want to open your mind, I’m sure they could help you with that.”
    “They aren’t into orgasm denial, are they? I don’t believe I could handle that again so soon.”
    “No. They are into something else entirely.”
    “What exactly?”
    “You’ll see,” Gnat said, smiling. “Just follow the sun through the orchard, and look for the sign on the tree.”
    “Thank you, Gnat.”
    “Thank you, Alice. Are you sure you don’t want to play for a bit longer?”
    Alice touched herself, and while she did want to go again, she didn’t want to be tormented for hours first.
    “Perhaps some other time, Gnat. But I do appreciate you opening my mind.”
    “It was my pleasure, Alice.”
    “Mine, too. See you, Gnat.”
    Alice gave Gnat a kiss on the cheek, then began to follow the sun through the orchard, onto her next adventure.

Chapter 4
Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum
    When Alice reached the end of the orchard, she found several signs nailed to the last tree. The first was marked TWEEDLE DEE IS SEXY. Beneath that was TWEEDLE DUM IS 2X SEXY. Under that was TWEEDLE DEE IS 4X SEXY. This went on for eight more signs, getting up to TWEEDLE DEE IS 2,000,000X SEXY and by then there was no tree left.
    Alice found a path behind the tree, which she followed until she reached another tree, which was also covered with signs that went up to TWEEDLE DUM IS 999,999,999,999,999,999X SEXY. Beneath that was another sign that read YOU’RE BOTH SEXY! LEAVE ME ALONE! It was signed “THE TREE”.
    Alice found the whole thing very queer. A few steps later, she came upon two short, rotund, decidedly unsexy gentlemen whom she also found very queer, as evidenced by them kissing one another.
    “No, my dear, you are sexier,” said one between smooches.
    “You are too kind,” replied his partner. “But indeed you are much sexier.”
    Each was no taller than her shoulder, and they had largish heads and protruding bellies and could have been twins except one of them had an erect member that curved upward, whilst the other’s curved in a decidedly downward fashion.
    “Excuse me,” Alice said, “But are you Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum?”
    “It depends,” said the one with the upturning member. “Whom do you think is sexier?”
    Alice didn’t want to be cruel, as she didn’t find either of them sexy in the least, but she went with the safe bet. “I find both of you equally sexy.”
    “Preposterous,” said one.
    “Unheard of,” said the other.
    “Inconceivable.”
    “Ridiculous.”
    “Outrageous.”
    “Unbelievable.”
    “Gelastic.”
    “Gelastic?” Alice asked. “I’ve never heard of such a word. What does it mean?”
    “It means preposterous,” said one.
    “Unheard of,” said the other.
    “Inconceivable.”
    “Ridiculous.”
    “Outrageous.”
    “Unbelievable.”
    “Please stop,” said Alice, who had an urge to slap them both in their gelastic heads. “I’m seeking to open my mind, and I was told to look for Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee.”
    “I am Tweedle Dum,” said the downturned member Tweedle, “and my much sexier partner is Tweedle Dee.”
    “Not true,” said Tweedle Dee.
    “But you are Tweedle Dee,” insisted Tweedle Dum.
    “Indeed I am. But I am not the sexier partner. That indeed is you.”
    They once again began to kiss, whilst engaging in something that Alice could only describe as penis fencing.
    “Are you brothers?” Alice asked.
    “Of course not,” they answered simultaneously.
    “My brother’s name is Irving,” said Tweedle Dee. “He lives in Dubuque, Iowa with his wife and kids and works at a meat processing plant.”
    “I am an only child,” said Tweedle Dum. “Besides, Amazon.com doesn’t allow incest erotica.”
    “But you look so much alike,” Alice said, growing more annoyed.
    “Plastic surgery,” beamed Tweedle Dee. “I have had over a dozen procedures to look more like sexy Tweedle Dum.”
    Tweedle Dum nodded and smiled. “And I have had more than a dozen procedures to look like sexy Tweedle Dee.”
    “But you are the sexier one.”
    “No, you are.”
    “No, you are.”
    “No, you are.”
    “No, you are.”
    “No, you are.”
    “No, you are.”
    “No, you are.”
    “Will both of you sexy bitches shut up for a moment!” Alice said. She