Fifty Shades of Alice Through the Looking Glass (Second Book of the 50 Shades of Alice Trilogy)

shall rise and liberate,

And jabbing pole shall overload!
    “So the Golden Queen takes on the Jabbercocky,” Alice said. “What’s a chode?”
    “It’s a penis that is wider in girth than it is long.”
    Alice laughed. “You’re kidding! Such a thing doesn’t exist.”
    Humpty pulled down his panties, exposing a very short, but extremely thick member. It looked like the top of a fire hydrant. It was even bright red like one.
    “Oh, wait,” Humpty said. “That’s my toy fire hydrant. Hold on.”
    He tossed that aside, exposing a very short, but extremely thick member. It looked like a penis, only shorter and wider.
    “And you wanted me to put that in my mouth?” Alice said, shocked. “I don’t know if I could even fit my lips around it.”
    “But think of the fun you’d have trying.”
    Alice did think about it, and her thoughts made her aware of her piercings. She shifted uncomfortably from one leg to another, but that only made the feeling worse.
One, two! One, two! And through and through

Until the machilit the smoke,

The souls condemned, they came and flew,

While Golden Queen BJ’ed her bloke.
    “So she beats the Jabbercock,” Alice said. “I’m guessing machilit is a portmanteau of machine and lit. Maybe it lights on fire and starts to smoke?”
    “Good guess. And then she gave her boyfriend a blowjob. Want to practice on me?”
    Humpty grabbed himself, and he was so thick his fingers couldn’t fit around it.
    “Maybe later,” Alice said. “Finish the poem, if you please.”
Freedom rang in Kingdom high!

Snowballing and hot bukkake!

Gokkun, felching, and creampie!

Queen shall wed the panty jockey!
    “So everyone went free, and debauchery returned to the kingdom.” Humpty said. “Are you familiar with all of those words?”
    “I’m not sure.”
    “Snowballing is passing a man’s essence from mouth to mouth by kissing. Creampie is when a man’s essence leaks out of a body part. Felching is sucking a man’s essence out of the body orifice where it was deposited.”
    “But I named my cats Snowball, Felcher, and Creampie!” Alice said, shocked by the definitions.
    “Slut,” Humpty admonished. “And, of course, bukkake and gokkun are Japanese terms.”
    “What do those mean?”
    “Do I look like Google?” Humpty asked, tugging on his chode.
    “No, but—watch out!”
    While pleasuring himself, Humpty had lost balance, and he plummeted off the wall and fell right at Alice’s feet.
    “Oh, my!” Alice knelt beside him. “Are you okay?”
    “I’m fine,” he said, sitting up.
    “You are?”
    “Of course I am. It was just a small fall. What, did you expect me to break into a million pieces?”
    “Well, I—”
    “I’m a man, not a 95% chemical compound of calcium carbonate crystals stabilized by a protein matrix.”
    “Huh?”
    “I’m not an egg. I just have a gland problem, exacerbated by an eating disorder.”
    “But, the Humpty Dumpty poem…”
    “Does the poem ever say that I’m an egg?”
    Alice ran through it in her head. “No, I guess not.”
    “Do eggs get hard-ons?” he said, gripping himself.
    “Not that I’ve heard of.”
    “Then drop it with the egg nonsense. Now help me up, and I’ll accompany you to the orgy at Lion and Unicorn Park. I was planning on warning them about the raid anyway.”
    Alice helped Humpty up, and in doing so got a closer look at his member. It couldn’t have been more than four inches long, but it was indeed equally as wide.
    “Impressive, ain’t it?” Humpty said, shaking his hips.
    “Yes,” she said, shyly.
    “You’re thinking about what it would feel like inside you.”
    Alice blushed, but nodded.
    “The raid isn’t scheduled for another hour, so we got some time. Go ahead and use me.”
    Alice considered it. The idea was kind of crazy, Humpty Dumpty wasn’t appealing at all, but she really
did
want to know what that fat monster felt like, and it had been more than 2500 words since the last sex scene.
    “Okay,” Alice said. “But go slow and easy.”
    “Low and sleazy, that’s me. Now lemme see those titties.”
    Alice paused a moment, then shrugged and pulled her blouse up over her head without even unbuttoning it, her breasts bobbing free. Humpty grabbed them in his fat fingers, rubbing his thumbs over her nipples until they stood at attention, the golden rings swinging proudly.
    “You’re very beautiful, Alice.”
    Alice didn’t return the compliment, because Humpty looked a lot like a