Fifty Shades of Alice Through the Looking Glass (Second Book of the 50 Shades of Alice Trilogy)

living very well,” said Hatta.
    “It would sure make jogging more fun,” said Haigha.
    “I’d like to film Alice jogging,” said Hatta. “Naked.”
    “Alice naked?” asked Haigha.
    “Both of us naked,” said Hatta. “You, too.”
    “That would be hot,” agreed Haigha.
    The White Queen patted Alice’s shoulder. “You’re still aroused, dear. When that wears off, you won’t even feel the piercings, unless they are directly stimulated.”
    “Oh.” So she could have the sensation just when she wanted? This was getting better and better. “How did the movie turn out?” Alice asked.
    “Spectacular,” said Hatta.
    “Arousing,” said Haigha.
    “Beautiful,” said Hatta.
    “Exciting,” said Haigha.
    “It will make you a superstar, Alice. You are easily the sexiest woman who has ever starred in an adult film.”
    Beaming with pride, Alice dressed quickly, and as her arousal level dipped, so did the stimulation her piercings provided.
    “I can’t thank all of you enough,” Alice said.
    “Why not?” asked Hatta. “Have you run out of thank yous?”
    Back to the nonsense,
Alice thought. She so preferred the constant climaxes to the silly wordplay.
    “Where are you off to next, Alice?” the Queen asked.
    “Well, I’m still trying to open my mind,” Alice said. “Where do you recommend I go?”
    “This is Looking Glass Land, Alice. Just follow a path through the woods. It will take you somewhere interesting.”
    “Just avoid the ones that dead end at stinging nettles,” said Hatta.
    “But how do I know which ones dead end at stinging nettles?”
    “I just told you. Those are the ones that have stinging nettles at the dead end.”
    Alice kept her tongue firmly in cheek, bid goodbye to the trio, and went off in search of more mind-opening experiences.

Chapter 6
Humpty Dumpty
    Still buzzing from the experience at the toy shop (and feeling her new piercings rub against her most sensitive parts with each step), Alice followed yet another path through a clearing and came to thirty yards of board fence, nine feet high, that a boy named Tom Sawyer was whitewashing—
    Wait… oops. Wrong nineteenth century classic.
    Still buzzing from the experience at the toy shop, Alice followed yet another path through a clearing and came to a high wall, which Humpty Dumpty sat upon.
    Alice knew it was Humpty Dumpty because she was familiar with the nursery rhyme, and because this man was egg-shaped and perched precariously on a wall, but most of all because he waved at Alice and said, “Yo, baby. I’m Humpty Dumpty.”
    As Alice approached, she noticed something odd. Well, odder than an egg man from a nursery rhyme sitting on a wall. This particular egg man, although sporting a light beard and a deep, baritone voice, was wearing women’s undergarments. Chiefly a bra, panties, and nylon stockings, which made his stubby legs look like sausages ready to burst from their casings.
    “Why, you’re dressed like a woman!” Alice declared.
    “So are you.”
    “But I
am
a woman. My name is Alice. You’re a man.”
    “What gave it away?” Humpty Dumpty asked. “Was it my masculine bulge, threatening to burst through this Frederick’s of Hollywood g-string?”
    “It
is
rather obvious.”
    “Don’t you think I’m sexy?” he asked, gyrating suggestively and pursing his lips which, shockingly, were painted bright red.
    Alice couldn’t imagine anything less sexy, but she’d already been down that road with the Tweedles and had learned her lesson, so she changed the subject.
    “Aren’t you worried you’ll fall from there?” Alice asked.
    “Why?”
    “Because of the poem, of course.” Much as she loathed poetry, Alice began to recite. “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a big fall—”
    “No, you’re getting it wrong. It’s Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a big
ball
. Which I do. Two of them in fact. My testicles are bigger than peaches. I’m sure you can see them from there.”
    Alice could. And they were, indeed, bigger than peaches.
    “They’re also full of peach juice,” Humpty Dumpty said, his voice tinged with pride.
    “They aren’t.”
    “They are. If you’d like, you can have a sip from my straw.” Humpty grabbed himself through the panties.
    Alice was confused. Not about the peach juice—she knew that was nonsense. But that this man in ladies’ underwear was apparently coming on to her. “You want me to… to put your member in my