Flesh Cartel, #8: Loyalties

wasn’t sure how to explain but knew mattered somehow. It was a good pain, though—it had to be. It meant he was . . . how had Nikolai put it? Transforming? Yes. It meant he was transforming .
    Finally.
    “Oh, I almost forgot. He said to plug yourself for him. He said you’d know what to do. I have stuff to do upstairs, so just come up when you’re done. I’ll be in the kitchen. I’d suggest you don’t get lost on the way there.”
    “Understood,” Dougie said, not sure whether to call the man “sir” or not. He was a slave, Dougie thought, but his mannerisms were so . . . in control. Maybe even in service, men got to be themselves. Roger was kind. Dougie would be earnest and sweet and a little nerdy, just as Nikolai was encouraging him to be. Just as he’d always been, but better.
    Still himself. The thought made him smile.
    He was still smiling after Jeremy left, as he opened the drawer with all the plugs. The heaviness in his chest was fading. He hoped Roger was okay. Maybe he’d gotten sick or maybe he’d hurt himself and Nikolai was taking care of him, like he always took care of Dougie, like he seemed to take care of everyone else in his charge. A good man. Like a father, almost. Strict, but loving.
    Dougie eyed the wide array of plugs, and his smile faltered a little. He said you’d know what to do. Except Dougie didn’t know what to do. What was the plug for? Did Nikolai want him distracted while he worked? Happily distracted or uncomfortably distracted? Or did he just want Dougie ready to be fucked when the time came? In which case, stretched to Nikolai’s exact specifications . . . The thought made Dougie’s cock chub up a bit and he gave it a stroke. He liked the thought of that, wearing a Nikolai-sized plug. It would edge on uncomfortable, but he’d be full and thinking of Nikolai. Uncomfortable and happy.
    Except, this wasn’t about him, was it. No, it was about Nikolai. And maybe Nikolai would want Dougie’s ass to be tighter when he breached him, which would mean a smaller plug. And, wow, he should really stop touching his cock, shouldn’t he, because that was all about Nikolai, too—it was Nikolai’s cock now, and his pleasure was Nikolai’s decision to make. He pulled his hand away, surprised at the flush of guilt heating his cheeks. Maybe if he admitted to Nikolai what he’d done, how he’d accidentally touched himself thinking about being ready for Nikolai . . . Well, maybe Nikolai would go easy on him and maybe he wouldn’t, but either way he had a sneaking suspicion he’d feel better about himself for the confession. And surely that meant he was transforming, too. A good sign. All good signs.
    But he still didn’t know what Nikolai wanted. And if he got this wrong, Nikolai might . . . might beat him. He’d warned Dougie about that, after all. Just as bad, Nikolai would be unhappy with him. And he might be transforming and growing and getting better, but he still felt enough of his old self to know how fragile all that was, and he wasn’t sure he could handle Nikolai being unhappy with him right now. Was afraid of how he might react. Was afraid he’d backslide in the face of Nikolai’s disapproval.
    He didn’t want to start fighting Nikolai again. He had to get this right.
    So what would Nikolai want?
    Tight. Ready. And really, with how kind he’d been, would he want Dougie in pain? No, pain was for punishment. The plug was a tool, a way to make sex more convenient, a way to help Dougie remember his place. He stared at the plugs, estimating measurements, eventually finding one that looked the same size as Nikolai’s cock—girth and length—and because they were neatly arranged by size, selected the next one down the line. Just a little bit smaller, almost not even noticeable, but for Nikolai it would feel different for sure.
    It was bright blue and curved and soft to the touch, and Dougie shivered with anticipation as he drizzled it with lube, using a little extra to make sure he’d be nice and slick inside for Nikolai when the time came.
    If the time came, he reminded himself. Nikolai was busy today, after all. Nikolai was Dougie’s first and only priority, the center of Dougie’s universe, but Dougie couldn’t be the center of Nikolai’s. Nikolai loved him, he knew that, but he was a man with responsibilities, with people who depended on him, and that meant that Dougie would have to put his own needs and wants aside when they didn’t coincide with