For the Love of a Son: One Afghan Woman's Quest for Her Stolen Child

wooden door slammed with an
echoing crash behind him.
    Nina’s lips were quivering and her hands were
trembling when she cornered my father to ask, ‘Ajab, who is this
woman?’
    ‘Her name is Sharifa Hassen. Her family is
well known in Kabul.’
    Nina’s face was red and her voice became
high-pitched. ‘You are a troublemaker, Ajab! And now you are
bringing us in! How could you go behind your brother’s back on such
an important matter?’
    My father shrugged. How could any man explain
love?
    In adulthood my father rarely felt fear, and
he had become nearly oblivious to his eldest brother’s threats and
actions. Yet on this matter he felt a cold sense of dread because
of the lie he had told. He had not yet asked Sharifa
Hassen’s father for his daughter’s hand in marriage. My father knew
that the Khail name would be dishonored if he asked for a woman’s
hand in marriage and was then turned down. Shair was a man who
fretted incessantly about his honor. My father’s ruse had
accomplished his goal but should his deception be discovered, the
consequences would be dire.
    My father only knew one thing: that he was
going to marry Sharifa Hassen, one way or another, even if he had
to take his bride and mother and flee Afghanistan.
    Nina and Seema made the necessary inquiries
to locate the father of the schoolteacher Sharifa Hassen. A meeting
was organized. Without acknowledging it, the Hassen family
understood quite well that my father had not been visiting without
a purpose. They knew the Khail heir had his eye on one of the
Hassen daughters, although they were unaware which one.
    They were soon to find out, when Shair’s wife
and daughter arrived for their visit. The Hassen family reacted
with extravagant hospitality, presenting carousels of sweets and
fruit. The families exchanged pleasantries before raising the real
business of the day. In Afghanistan, marriage is considered much
too important to leave to the bride and groom, as it represents an
important alliance for families with great wealth.
    Nina was the first to speak, saying that she
and her daughter were there to represent the Khail family, to ask
that the Khan’s younger brother Ajab marry Sheik Hassen’s daughter,
Sharifa.
    Sheik Hassen smiled gently and replied, ‘I
will be pleased to meet with Shair Khan to discuss the matter.’
    Nina had dreaded such a response. It was a
great insult to any father when the man representing the groom’s
family did not personally appear to discuss the proposed marriage.
Nina cleared her throat and continued. ‘That is why we are here,
Sheik Hassen, to negotiate the marriage contract. My husband Shair
Khan is involved in certain important matters at the moment, which
makes it impossible for him to meet with you.’
    Sheik Hassen was too stunned to speak. To
hear such a thing was the same as being spat upon. He composed
himself, however, for Nina was a mere female, a woman who was only
doing her husband’s bidding. ‘Madam, please tell your husband that
when he has freed his schedule I will be most happy to welcome him
into my home. We shall finalize the arrangements at that time.’ His
meaning was clear. Sheik Hassen would not allow the marriage to
proceed without speaking to the head of the Khail family.
    Nina and Seema reluctantly returned to the
galah, bearing their bad news with trepidation.
    My father was unfortunate because Sheik
Hassen was not only well connected, a man accustomed to respect,
but he was also a stickler for protocol. But it was lucky no one
had revealed that my father had claimed to have already asked for
Sharifa Hassen’s hand in marriage. That lie remained hidden,
presenting a violent clash between Shair Khan and my father.
    Nina and Seema went unpunished for the failed
mission. Despite Shair’s haughty anger at the news, secretly he was
pleased. By refusing to meet the most basic requirements of
marriage protocol, he had guaranteed a negative response from the
family of my father’s chosen bride. Now he could move ahead with
what he believed to be a more appropriate marriage for his younger
brother.
    Shair summoned my father. ‘Have you heard
that Sheik Hassen will not agree to the marriage?’ he softly asked
with a false show of sorrow. He sighed and waved his hand about in
a gesture of resignation. ‘There is nothing more I can do. But do
not worry, my brother, I have selected a young girl from our tribe
for you, the beautiful daughter of a respected general. Your