For the Love of a Son: One Afghan Woman's Quest for Her Stolen Child

Saudi Arabia I made the upsetting discovery that
I would be unable to travel anywhere without a written letter of
permission from my husband. Leaving Saudi Arabia would not be as
simple as I had imagined. Should Khalid have a personality change
and start wanting to control me, I would be trapped. It was also
difficult to find a job as a woman, although I was an experienced
professional in my field, respiratory therapy. Nor was the social
life what I was used to, as at parties women mixed with women only,
and men socialized separately with other men.
    The list of restrictions against women was
endless.
    When men have all the power, many men become
extremely cruel to women. Saudi Arabian men were no different from
other men in that regard.
    Even some men in Khalid’s family were guilty
of cruelty to women. One of my husband’s cousins had married more
than twenty wives. Since Islam only allows a man four wives at one
time, that man kept himself busy divorcing and remarrying. His
first wife was his first cousin. In Saudi Arabia, marrying one’s
first cousin is considered insurance against divorce since many men
will avoid creating discord in the family by divorcing a close
relative. Khalid’s much-married cousin was extremely wealthy, and
during Ramadan he gave his wives cash as their Ramadan gifts. One
of the younger, more attractive wives received a larger cash gift
than the older, plainer wives. To give one wife more than the
others is taboo in Islam, whether in gifts or personal attention.
Jealous wives often quote the Koran when squabbling about this
point. All four wives started bickering, so incensing Khalid’s
cousin that he announced he was divorcing all four of his wives at
once.
    He divorced wives number two, three and four,
but when he faced his cousin, wife number one, to say the words, ‘I
divorce you’, she fainted. When her husband saw her sprawled on the
floor, he took pity on her and didn’t have the heart to divorce her
after all. When she heard the good news, she forgot she was faking
a faint and leapt up screaming her joy. ‘Thanks to Allah! Thanks to
Allah!’
    ‘So,’ I said, ‘this means you are the only
wife now?’
    She laughed loudly. ‘No, Maryam! He quickly
married three more women. My husband is a man who needs four wives.
I have accepted it.’
    She was so cheerful about it that I laughed
along with her, but in truth I felt like crying.
    I knew that Khalid desired children, and that
he would make a wonderful father, but I was so apprehensive after
the loss of my first son that I didn’t believe I could conceive.
Besides, I was living in a country where children are considered
the sole property of their father and the mother has no rights.
Although Khalid was still the loving man I had married, I knew that
nothing in life was ever guaranteed, and it worried me.
    Then one day out of the blue Khalid said,
‘Maryam, no matter what might happen, I would never take a child
away from you.’
    I looked at him gratefully, but made no
promises.
    It didn’t help that I was aware that some of
my American girlfriends married to Saudi men were suffering
terrible indignities. One was an American named Linda who had met
and married a Saudi man when he was attending school in the United
States. After Mohammed acquired his degree, the family moved back
to Saudi Arabia. By this time Linda and Mohammed were the parents
of two children. Shortly after I met Linda, Mohammed returned to
their home with a Saudi woman. Linda thought the woman was a
relative, until Mohammed tersely told her that she was his new
wife, and to make her welcome.
    Linda was so stunned she couldn’t speak.
Mohammed had never behaved in a way that would lead her to believe
him capable of such boorish behaviour.
    The following day she called me in tears.
‘Maryam, please come over. Bring packing boxes. I am leaving him.’
Linda believed that all she had to do was hire a divorce attorney
and leave Saudi Arabia with her children.
    Khalid felt so bad for Linda that he drove me
to various stores to collect boxes. When we arrived at her home,
Linda was out of control with despair. She had called the American
Embassy to seek advice and was told that she had two options. She could leave the country, but she would lose her children.
The Saudi government would not allow her children to accompany her.
Those children belonged to her husband. She had given birth to
them, but according to Saudi Arabian law she had no parental
rights.