Forever Too Far

two at a time before breaking into a run yet again. This day had gone from bad to fucking disastrous. Jerking open the bedroom door the silence that met me was knee buckling. I could see the small imprint on the bed from where she’d laid down earlier today.  Harlow was right. She was gone. Every little trace of Blaire was gone. She’d needed me. Our baby had needed me and I’d been with Nan, again. I deserve to be left.
         I closed the door behind me before leaning against the wall and sliding down to the floor to weep.  The fear of losing Nan had been terrifying but the idea of losing Blaire and my baby was unbearable. I didn’t deserve Blaire. I had promised her I’d always be there yet my family kept pulling me away. It was time I stopped letting that happen . But what if I was too late?
          I shook my head and wiped the tears from my face. I’d find her and I’d beg. I’d grovel. Whatever I needed to do I would do it. Then I’d never leave her again. For anyone.

 
    BLAIRE
     
         “Here it is. Ain’t much but it’s mine,” my dad said as he stepped onto a boat with a small cabin that I was sure only had one bed. I was hoping there was a sofa of some kind in there too.
         I had been so relieved when I’d stepped off the plane at the small airport to find Abe already there waiting on me. I had worried that I’d spent the last of my savings on airplane tickets to see a man who wouldn’t show up. This time he had come through for me.
         “Good news is , it’s got two bunks and a full size bed. I’ll take a bunk and you can have the bed. It’ll be easier on you and the baby. I went and got a few things for you at the store. Some things I knew you liked. The fridge is a tiny thing but I have a cooler on here too with ice that I keep cold stuff in.”
         I stood on the well- worn boat and saw touches of my father.  His favorite fishing hat, the one my mother had given him for Father’s day when I was a little girl hung on the hook going into the cabin. The tackle box that Valerie and I had bought him for Christmas one year sat over in the corner with the fishing rod he’d bought one summer when we had gone on a family vacation to North Carolina. I hadn’t realized he still had those things.
          “It’s perfect, Dad. Thanks for letting me come here. I just needed to get away,” I said , turning to look at him.
         His mustache and beard needed trimming but I could still see his mouth turn down in a frown. “What’s wrong, Blaire bear? You seemed so happy a week ago. How did things get so bad so fast?”
         I didn’t want to talk about it just yet. “I slept on the plane and it wasn’t a good sleep. It’s been well over twenty-four hours since I’ve been in a bed. Can I take a nap first?” I asked.
         Dad looked even more upset about my being tired. “You shouldn’t have been pushing yourself like that. Why’d you fly overnight? Never mind, you can tell me later. Just go on inside there and head down those steps to that back room. I’ll bring your bag down. Not much room but we can manage.”
         I didn’t care about attempting to take a bath in the tiny little bathroom or changing my clothes. I was too tired to care about anything. “I just want some sleep,” I assured him.
         The bed filled up the entire “bedroom”. It touched every wall. I crawled up in it from the doorway and kicked both of my shoes off before curling up into a ball and falling fast asleep.
     
     
     
         It was late afternoon when I woke up. The gentle swaying of the boat was soothing. I was thankful I didn’t suffer from motion sickness. It would be bad if I did. Stretching, I sat up and reached in my pocket to pull out my phone and turn it on. I’d been avoiding this. Rush would know I was gone by now and he would be upset. I wasn’t ready to deal with him just yet. I still needed some time to decide what to do.
         I didn’t check my voicemails or text messages once I turned my phone on. I just slipped it back into my pocket and climbed t he steps out of the small cubbyhole onto the main deck. Dad wasn’t around but he’d mentioned at the airport that he had a job working at the marina and he needed to go in this afternoon. In return they allowed him to keep his boat docked here for free.
         The small fridge held a few bottles of water and I took one out and grabbed a banana from the basket