From Here to Paternity

Shelley. We’re nineties-type women. We can do anything.“
    “That’s what you said about that step-aerobics class, and you didn’t last through one session.“
    “Well, it was stupid and boring.“
    “And hard! And remember the ‘Drawing on the Right Side of Your Brain’ class you talked me into going to with you?“
    “That teacher should have been fired. Imagine telling us we didn’t have right sides to our brains,“ Jane said with a grin. “We must. Otherwise our heads would be lopsided.“
    “I think this is going to be worse,“ Shelley predicted. “I can see this going right off the top of the humiliation scale.“
    “But, Shelley, everybody skis. Celebrities ski. We might run into Cher or some Kennedys or Bob Denver—“
    “I think you mean John Denver. And I don’t imagine you’ll be brushing elbows with any of them on the bunny slope of this resort. Why isn’t Mel coming along to help us?“
    “He’s still crippled from yesterday. Besides, he’s asking around about Bill. It’s really galling him being an outsider with no authority, especially since the sheriff is such a casual good ol’ boy. I keep telling him to look at it as a valuable learning experience, and he just growls.“
    “You ladies here for a little practice?“ a handsome young man asked.
    “No, lessons. We’ve never skied before,“ Jane replied.
    “Then you’ve come to exactly the right place,“ he said. “I’m an instructor and I’m just putting a little class together. Sit down right here while I fit some other folks with their boots and skis, and I’ll be back to you in a minute.“
    “You don’t think somebody ought to be worried about Bill disappearing?“ Shelley asked as they sat down on a bench next to the little equipment shop.
    “Tenny doesn’t seem too worried. More irritated than concerned, I’d say. And she certainly knows him best. I can’t imagine anybody simply taking off like that in the midst of trying to sell this place, but he’s clearly a pretty strange individual. Say, I’ve been wondering about something that’s probably none of my business…“
    “Don’t let that stop you from asking,“ Shelley said, smiling.
    “Well, if Paul and his group of investors buy this place, will that put Tenny out of work?“
    “Good Lord, no! Paul says it looks like the place is run wonderfully. It really comes down to purely financial considerations: taxes, interest rates on various financing options, consolidation of some old improvement loans. Boring stuff like that. Dreadful Pete wouldn’t even be out of a job.“
    “Okay, Bunnies, are you ready?“
    The handsome young man was back.
    “Let’s get you fitted out and ready to turn into Olympic material!“
    “Does he have to be so damned perky?“ Shelley said under her breath.
    “Shelley, we need all the help we can get, and if Perky Power will do any good, I’m all for it.“
    The instructor, who claimed his name was Gavin (“A likely story!“ Shelley huffed), asked them their height, weight, and experience. They gave their height, lied about their weight, and admitted to no experience whatsoever. “In skiing, that is,“ Jane added. “I’m a world-class roller skater.“
    He stared at her.
    “It was a joke,“ she said. “I don’t think humor is his strong suit,“ she whispered to Shelley.
    “Nor yours,“ Shelley whispered back.
    Pseudo-Gavin got them fitted with ski boots and skis as well as poles the sizes of which were based on their height and fictional weight. Then he half dragged, half shoved them into line with four other beginners, two men and two women, all of whom looked faintly familiar. Jane suspected they were escapees from the genealogy convention.
    “Listen up, Bunnies,“ Gavin said. “I want to explain your equipment to you. First, your poles. Put your wrist through the thong. That way, if you let go by accident, the pole won’t go flying off and hit somebody else or get lost in the snow. Second, don’t hook your thumb through the thong. Very important.“
    Jane shuddered, remembering the other instructor yesterday talking about broken thumbs.
    “Since you’re all beginners, I’ve set the latches on your boots to release the skis very easily. As you get better, we’ll tighten that up. If you need to unlatch them, press your pole onto this latch at the back of your heel.“ He demonstrated.
    “Now, to skiing, Bunnies!“ he continued. “The first thing you need to learn is how to fall