From Here to Paternity

right next to her the whole way, said, “Toe-in, ankle-in now!“
    Shelley did so, came to a stop, and grinned at Jane over her shoulder. “I’m a skier now!“ she yelled. “Can I quit?“
    “No way! We’re doing this whole hill before you get to quit,“ Jane shouted back.
    Jane was next and did a decent job, though it couldn’t have looked as steady and well balanced as Shelley’s performance. When she got stopped, she realized she’d been holding her breath the whole time. “Wow! It’s sort of like riding down an escalator that’s going too fast!“ she said.
    The next person to try it was a rather heavy woman in a daffodil-colored ski outfit. Having watched Shelley’s and Jane’s sedate descents, she decided to put a little oomph into it. She actually shoved off with her poles instead of letting gravity seduce her along. This was a nasty surprise to Gavin, and he was yelling at her to toe-in, ankle-in before she got three feet forward. She either couldn’t manage or didn’t want to, and shot between Jane and Shelley, across the flat area, past the equipment hut, and well out in the parking lot, her skis scraping horribly on exposed bits of asphalt, before she remembered the sitting-down technique.
    The other three managed well enough and Gavin took them all back up the hill again. A little farther this time. After their second mini-runs, Gavin proclaimed Jane, Shelley, and a wiry older man sufficiently skilled to go off and practice on their own.
    “Okay, here’s the deal,“ Shelley pronounced. “We’re going clear to the top of the hill. Then we’re coming back down by whatever method works out best and no matter how many times we fall along the way. Then we’re retiring. Just think, for the rest of our lives we can say We Have Skied. And nobody will ever be able to say, “But you must try it once.“ So we’ll never have to do it again.“
    “Sounds like a good plan to me. Is there food at the end of this scenario? You didn’t mention food.“
    “There’s a huge lunch, Jane.“
    “Okay.“
    They started laboriously stairstepping their way up the hill. After about ten minutes, during which she had to look at her feet to make sure they were doing the right thing, Jane stopped. “Jeez! We should be clear to the top by now. And we’re still at the bottom.“
    “Keep going, Jane,“ Shelley said. “Think about lunch.“
    “There’s that person again,“ Jane said, shading her eyes and looking up at the top of the hill.
    “Which person?“
    “I don’t know. Just a person I keep seeing. He has cameras and binoculars. A nature nut, I imagine.“
    “Jane, stop talking.“
    They stairstepped some more, and it was Shelley this time who wanted to stop. “Look at that! We’re nearly halfway up the hill.“
    “We could just go from here.“
    “No, we’re going to the top. Once. Look at the cute snowman.“
    “Hadn’t you noticed him before? He appeared overnight.“
    “What’s he got on his head?“
    “I think it’s supposed to be a crown.“
    “I know, but what is it really?“
    “I dunno. Maybe one of those sort of fluted fruit bowls? Remember the gold plastic ones we used for that PTA fund-raising party with a Tropical Holiday theme? To quote a friend of mine, stop talking!“
    After two more rest stops, they reached the top of the hill and sat down to get their breath. “Wow! This is neat up here,“ Jane gasped. “Look, the whole resort’s laid out like a map. You should have brought a camera along. You could have taken a picture for Paul so when he gets home and wonders just where the various buildings and wings are, you’d have it. Are you ready to go?“
    “Not yet. I’m never coming here again for the rest of my life, so I want to appreciate it for a few minutes. The snowman looks weird from the back. Just the cape and crown showing.“
    Jane was gazing around behind them. “The Indians who were demonstrating said there was a graveyard up here. It doesn’t look like that to me.“
    “Jane, it’s covered with snow. How would you know? You expect to see a mausoleum or a totem pole or something sticking up?“
    “Hmmm. You have a point. It’s certainly flat enough to make a good cemetery. Looks like somebody took a gigantic knife to it and sliced the top off. You could land a 747 along here.“
    Shelley was hoisting herself to her feet. “Speaking of landing, are we ready to take off?“
    “I guess so. It sure looks a lot steeper from the