From the Corner of His Eye

disgust. Sitting in the breakfast nook, the Oakland telephone directory open in front of him, he almost said, Find the father, kill the son, instead of, "Hello."
        "Is Bartholomew there?" a woman asked.
        Stunned, Junior had no answer.
        "Please, I must speak to Bartholomew," the caller pleaded with quiet urgency.
        Her voice was soft, almost a whisper, and charged with anxiety; but under other circumstances, it would have been sexy.
        "Who is this?" he demanded, although for a demand, the words came out too thin, too squeaky.
        "I've got to warn Bartholomew. I've got to."
        "Who is this?"
        Fathoms of silence flooded the line. Still, she listened. He sensed her there, though as if at a great depth.
        Recognizing the danger of saying the wrong thing, the potential for self-incrimination, Junior clenched his jaws and waited.
        When at last the caller spoke again, her voice sounded a kingdom away: "Will you tell Bartholomew…?"
        Junior pressed the receiver so tightly to his head that his ear ached.
        Farther away still: "Will you tell him…?"
        "Tell him what?"
        "Tell him Victoria called to warn him."
        Click.
        She was gone.
        He didn't believe in the restless dead. Not for a minute.
        Because he hadn't heard Victoria Bressler speak in so long-and then only on two occasions-and because the woman on the phone had spoken so softly, Junior couldn't tell whether or not their voices were one and the same.
        No, impossible. He had killed Victoria almost a year and a half before this phone call. When you were dead, you were gone forever.
        Junior didn't believe in gods, devils, Heaven, Hell, life after death. He put his faith in one thing: himself.
        Yet through the summer of 1966, following this call, he acted like a man who was haunted. A sudden draft, even if warm, chilled him and caused him to turn in circles, seeking the source. In the middle of the night, the most innocent of sounds could scramble him from bed and send him on a search of the apartment, flinching from harmless shadows and twitching at looming invisibilities that he imagined he saw at the edges of his vision.
        Sometimes, while shaving or combing his hair, as he was looking in the bathroom or foyer mirror, Junior thought that he glimpsed a presence, dark and vaporous, less substantial than smoke, standing or moving behind him. At other times, this entity seemed to be within the mirror. He couldn't focus on it, study it, because the moment he became aware of the presence, it was gone.
        These were stress-induced flights of the imagination, of course.
        Increasingly, he used meditation to relieve stress. He was so skilled at concentrative meditation without seed-blanking his mind-that half an hour of it was as refreshing as a night's sleep.
        Late Monday afternoon, September 19, Junior returned wearily to his apartment, from another fruitless investigation of a Bartholomew, this one across the bay in Corte Madera. Exhausted by his unending quest, depressed by lack of success, he sought refuge in meditation.
        In his bedroom, wearing nothing but a pair of briefs, he settled onto the floor, on a silk-covered pillow filled with goose down. With a sigh " he assumed the lotus position: spine straight, legs crossed, hands at rest with the palms up.
        "One hour," he announced, establishing a countdown. In sixty minutes, his internal clock would rouse him from a meditative state.
        When he closed his eyes, he saw a bowling pin, a leftover image from his with-seed days. In less than a minute, he was able to make the pin dematerialize, filling his mind with featureless, soundless, soothing, white nothingness.
        White. Nothingness.
        After a while, a voice broke the vacuum-perfect silence. Bob Chicane. His instructor.
        Bob gently encouraged him to return by degrees from the deep meditative state, return, return, return…
        This was a memory, not a real voice. Even after you became an accomplished meditator, the mind resisted this degree of blissful oblivion and tried to sabotage it with aural and visual memories.
        Using all is powers of concentration, which were formidable, Junior sought to silence the phantom Chicane. At first, the voice steadily faded, but soon it grew louder again, and more insistent.
        In his smooth