From the Heart

“a more valid question is: Why shouldn’t you?”
    She was hurting, and her temper rose to protect her. “How could I have said you were perceptive? How could I have thought that, when you don’t see what’s staring you in the face? I’m in love with you!” Her breath caught on a gasp of shock and dismay. They stared at each other, both rocked by the words.
    “I didn’t mean to say that.” Kasey shook her head and triedto push away. “I lost my temper. I didn’t mean to say that. Let me go, Jordan.”
    “No.” He shook her once to stop her struggles. His eyes, as they stared into hers, were dark and intense. “Do you think you can tell me that, then walk out of here? No, you didn’t mean to say it,” he said slowly. “But did you mean it?”
    There were no tears now. Her desperation had dried them. “If I said no?”
    “I wouldn’t believe you.”
    “Then it’s academic, isn’t it?” She tried to draw away again, but he held her still.
    “Don’t pull that on me now. It won’t work.”
    “Jordan.” Kasey’s voice was steady again. “What do you want from me?”
    “I’m not sure.” He loosened his grip, abruptly aware that he must be hurting her. “Are you in love with me, Kasey?” She started to back away, but he shook his head. “No. Look at me and tell me.”
    She took a long breath. “I love you, Jordan. There’re no strings attached. I know some people are uncomfortable being loved. I don’t understand it.”
    “As simple as that?” he murmured.
    “As simple as that,” she agreed and smiled. The weight of holding back was gone. “Don’t frown, Jordan,” she told him. “Being loved is easy. It’s the loving that’s difficult.”
    “Kasey.” He hesitated. She had moved him, unsettled him, until he was no longer certain what he was feeling. “I don’t know what to say to you.”
    “Then it’s best not to say anything.” This isn’t easy on either of us, she thought and tried to smooth the path a bit. “Jordan, I’d like to explain myself to you. I’d do it better if you weren’t touching me.” After a moment he released her and she stepped back. The absence of contact helped steady her nerves. “I told you I loved you. That might have been a mistake, but it’s done. I’d like you to accept it as it’s given.”
    Kasey could see he didn’t understand. Emotions, given freely, were always difficult to understand. How could she explain to him something that her heart had accepted over the objection of her mind?
    “All of my life,” she continued, “I’ve been taught that togive love, to express love, isn’t so much a choice but an obligation. Please, just take it and don’t ask me any more questions now.”
    “I don’t even know what questions to ask.” He wanted to touch her again, to hold her, but the expression in her eyes stopped him. He didn’t want to hurt her, didn’t want her to be right about that, too. “Kasey, don’t you want anything from me?”
    “No.” She answered him quickly, as though she had anticipated the question. “I told you there were no strings, Jordan. I meant it. I don’t think we can work together any more today, and I certainly don’t think we can talk rationally about this right now. It’s late, in any case. I told Alison I’d let her beat me at tennis before dinner.” She was already heading for the door.
    “Kasey.”
    It cost her a great deal to turn back around. “Yes?”
    His mind had gone from crowded to blank. He felt like a fool. “Thank you.”
    “You’re welcome, Jordan.”
    She managed to get through the door before the pain started.
     
    It was completely dark before Kasey found a moment to be alone. From the window in her room, she could watch the moon rise. It was full, with an orange tint that had her thinking of fields being harvested and haystacks. What was happening in the world out there? she wondered. I’ve been in this house too long, trapped by a love that’s going to lead me nowhere. What have I done to myself? It’s taken me a month to lose something I’ve valued more than anything else in all of my life: my freedom.
    Kasey wrapped her arms around herself and turned back into the room. Even when I walk away from here, from him, I won’t be free again. Love binds you—I knew that.
    And what’s he feeling now? What will we say to each other tomorrow? Can I continue to be casual, to hand out wisecracks as though nothing’s changed? She laughed a little and shook her