Gone Girl

innocent? Margo, tell us about … Tanner, is your client innocent? Tanner—
    The doorbell rang, and I opened the door while hiding behind it because I was still disheveled; my spiky hair and wilted boxers would tell their own story. Last night, on camera, I was adorably smitten, a tad tipsy, in vino veritastic. Now I just looked like a drunk. I closed the door and waited for two more glowing reviews of my performance.
    ‘You don’t ever – ever – do something like that again,’ Tanner started. ‘What the hell is wrong with you, Nick? I feel like I need to put one of those toddler leashes on you. How stupid can you be?’
    ‘Have you seen all the comments online? People love it. I’m turning around public opinion, like you told me to.’
    ‘You don’t do that kind of thing in an uncontrolled environment,’ he said. ‘What if she worked for Ellen Abbott? What if she started asking you questions that were harder than What do you want to say to your wife, cutie-pumpkin-pie? ’ He said this is a girlish singsong. His face under the orange spray tan was red, giving him a radioactive palette.
    ‘I trusted my instincts. I’m a journalist, Tanner, you have to give me some credit that I can smell bullshit. She was genuinely sweet.’
    He sat down on the sofa, put his feet on the ottoman that would never have flipped over on its own. ‘Yeah, well, so was your wife once,’ he said. ‘So was Andie once. How’s your cheek?’
    It still hurt; the bite seemed to throb as he reminded me of it. I turned to Go for support.
    ‘It wasn’t smart, Nick,’ she said, sitting down across from Tanner. ‘You were really, really lucky – it turned out really well, but it might not have.’
    ‘You guys are really overreacting. Can we enjoy a small moment of good news? Just thirty seconds of good news in the past nine days? Please?’
    Tanner pointedly looked at his watch. ‘Okay, go.’
    When I started to talk, he popped his index finger, made the uhp-uhp noise that grown-ups make when children try to interrupt. Slowly, his index finger lowered, then landed on the watch face.
    ‘Okay, thirty seconds. Did you enjoy it?’ He paused to see if I’d say anything – the pointed silence a teacher allows after asking the disruptive student: Are you done talking? ‘Now we need to talk. We are in a place where excellent timing is absolutely key.’
    ‘I agree.’
    ‘Gee, thanks.’ He arched an eyebrow at me. ‘I want to go to thepolice very, very soon with the contents of the woodshed. While the hoi polloi is—’
    Just hoi polloi , I thought, not the hoi polloi . It was something Amy had taught me.
    ‘—all loving on you again. Or, excuse me, not again . Finally. The reporters have found Go’s house, and I don’t feel secure leaving that woodshed, its contents, undisclosed much longer. The Elliotts are …?’
    ‘We can’t count on the Elliotts’ support anymore,’ I said. ‘Not at all.’ Another pause. Tanner decided not to lecture me, or even ask what happened.
    ‘So we need offense,’ I said, feeling untouchable, angry, ready.
    ‘Nick, don’t let one good turn make you feel indestructible,’ Go said. She pressed some extra-strengths from her purse into my hand. ‘Get rid of your hangover. You need to be on today.’ ‘It’s going to be okay,’ I told her. I popped the pills, turned to Tanner. ‘What do we do? Let’s make a plan.’
    ‘Great, here’s the deal,’ Tanner said. ‘This is incredibly unorthodox, but that’s me. Tomorrow we are doing an interview with Sharon Schieber.’
    ‘Wow, that’s … for sure?’ Sharon Schieber was as good as I could ask for: the top-rated (ages 30–55) network (broader reach than cable) newswoman (to prove I could have respectful relations with people who have vaginas) working today. She was known for dabbling very occasionally in the impure waters of true-crime journalism, but when she did, she got freakin’ righteous. Two years ago, she took under her silken wing a young mother who had been imprisoned for shaking her infant to death. Sharon Schieber presented a whole legal – and very emotional – defense case over a series of nights. The woman is now back home in Nebraska, remarried and expecting a child.
    ‘That’s for sure. She got in touch after the video went viral.’
    ‘So the video did help.’ I couldn’t resist.
    ‘It gave you an interesting wrinkle: Before the video, it was clear you did it. Now there’s a slight chance you