Hammered

Titel: Hammered Kostenlos Bücher Online Lesen
Autoren: Kevin Hearne

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is right, you bite down hard. The dream is yours. And then you chew on the next one. «
    Oberon chuffed, his version of human laughter.

Chapter 6
    Here is how you know someone has had a good idea: Other people freely admit to their friends that said idea has changed their lives. Most people today will grant that fire and the wheel are the big two. After that, any attempts to rank the greatest ideas of all time are going to draw lots of argument. You’ll have zealots pimping this god or that on the one hand, scientists pimping Darwin on the other, and then practical people pointing at written language and saying, look, fellas, the reason those ideas have gone viral is because someone figured out how to write them down.
    On Saturday night, the day after my return from Asgard, I heard about a new life-changing invention (for some): the salad spinner.
    » I seriously love my salad spinner, « Granuaile confided. » It’s changed my life. « She said this in her kitchen, where she was busy making me the dinner she owed me for guessing wrong about Ratatosk’s size and the ability to enter Asgard via Yggdrasil.
    » Excuse me for just a moment, « I said, and I exited the kitchen for the living room, where her laptop had access to Wi-Fi in the building. I Googled » salad spinner changed my life « and got more than six thousand hits. There was also a Salad Spinner Appreciation Society on Facebook. It wasn’t what I’d call a cultural revolution, but it had potential, and I was willing to find out more. I returned to the kitchen and said, » Sorry about that. Please explain how your salad spinner has changed your life. «
    » Oh. « Granuaile’s eyes flicked down, perhaps with a shade of embarrassment. » Well, when you wash lettuce it’s tough to get the leaves dry without wasting paper towels and spending all your time patting them dry. If you just leave them wet, then your dressing dilutes and alters the taste you’re aiming for. Oil and water don’t mix, right? But now, « and her voice deepened into a mockery of a Nitro Funny Car drag-race commercial on the radio, » I can use the raw unbridled power of a SALAD SPINNERRR! « Her voice rose at the end of the sentence in maniacal excitement. Her hand plunged down to the handle of her spinner and she worked it furiously, continuing in the same frenzied voice. » SEE the centrifugal force work its MAGIC on the WATERRR! Red leaf, green leaf, spinach, or arugula, it DOESN’T MATTERRR! Just put your wet greens in the spinner and crank that mother ’til ALL the moisture’s GONE! SUPER! DRY! SALAD! « Here Granuaile balled her fists at her sides and thrust her hips forward lewdly. » GET SOME! «
    That was when I lost it. Up to that point my mouth was hanging open in shock, but when she whipped out the pelvic thrust for nothing more than a salad , well, that brought on an epic fit of the giggles. Her performance began looping in my mind’s eye, and the absurdity of it kept tickling me so that I couldn’t stop. Paroxysms shook me until I fell off my chair, and that made it worse. Tears came to my eyes and I gasped for breath as I slapped the wood laminate of her floor. Granuaile’s face turned bright red and she sank down laughing too, laughing both at herself and at my reaction.
    Eventually we got around to eating that salad, but not before our stomachs ached from extended merriment. It was succulence itself: spinach and red leaf lettuce tossed with jicama, white onion, mandarin oranges, and candied walnut pieces. The dressing was a homemade citrus vinaigrette.
    This, however, was merely a side. Chef Granuaile MacTiernan set a broiled orange roughy fillet on top of a wild-rice pilaf, then placed on top of that a flash-broiled portobello mushroom that had been marinated in a Beaujolais red wine. Several spears of lightly salted asparagus drizzled with olive oil complemented the fish, and a bottle of pinot noir from the Santa Cruz Mountains did all those snooty and delicious things in our mouths that wine connoisseurs go on about.
    » Outstanding, « I said, chewing appreciatively. » Truly fantastic. «
    »