Hammered

And it’s not like he just made a lucky guess: Siodhachan hasn’t exactly been in the top one thousand baby names for quite a long time. Whoever he was, he had to truly know me from the old days, or he had a connection with someone who did. I almost took a look at him with my faerie specs, but then I hesitated. What if he really was Jesus? If I looked at him in the magical spectrum, my retinas would fry like eggs. I chose to inquire verbally instead.
    » Would you like to speak to me in Aramaic? « I asked him in that language. » I can’t recall the last time I spoke it. Can you? «
    He switched to Aramaic without difficulty. » Of course I can, « he replied. His smile remained broad and highly amused. » We spoke it together in England when we were moving around all that treasure of the Templars and planting false clues. You know, I have really enjoyed the results of that little visit to the planet. The theories have been endlessly creative, and it’s put food on the table for many a nearsighted scholar. «
    » Jesus, it really is you! « I rose from my crouch and accepted the offered hug, and we pounded each other’s back in a properly masculine fashion. » This is excellent, man; you look good. Who came up with this look for you? «
    Jesus gave a small jerk of his head over his shoulder at Trippie Hippie and switched to English. » One of the patrons in this store gave it to me. Wanted to update my image, « he explained.
    » What’s not to like, right? « I asked, returning to English myself. » I imagine this is a far sight more comfortable than the half-naked crown-of-thorns routine. «
    » That’s an understatement. But I especially appreciate that he imagined something closer to my original skin color. It doesn’t get much better. «
    » No doubt. I was just on my way to grab some lunch. Fancy a bite? «
    » You buying? « Jesus grinned.
    » Sure, I’ll pick up the tab. How long have you been here? « The light turned green again and we walked north up Mill Avenue.
    » I arrived just before you showed up, « he said. » Heard from my mother you wanted to have a beer. «
    » That’s right, I told her that. She was very kind and blessed some arrows for me. And I’m flattered that you decided to accept my invitation. «
    » Are you kidding? « Jesus snorted. » I’m grateful to you. I tell you truly, nobody ever wants to just hang out with me. If they’re not asking for explanations or intercession, then they’re sharing too much information. › Why, Jesus? Help me, Jesus! Oh, Jesus, that feels good, don’t stop! ‹ That’s all I hear all the time. You’re the only guy who asks me to go have a beer anymore. «
    » There was someone else you used to drink beers with? «
    » Bertrand Russell. «
    » Oh. He of little faith? Well, I’m glad I could give you an excuse to come on down. «
    » I must tell you that I have an ulterior motive, « Jesus said. » I would not wish you to think later that I had told a half-truth by saying I have simply come down for a beer. But business can wait. «
    We passed an extraordinarily sunburned man in wraparound sunglasses busking with his guitar. He was strumming » They’re Red Hot « —an old blues tune about hot tamales—and singing the infectious lyrics in a gravelly voice. His open guitar case rested on a planter beside him, and Jesus wagged his head back and forth a little bit and got his shoulders into it too. » What a delightful riff, « he said. » Do you know who wrote this song? «
    » I believe it’s by Robert Johnson, a Mississippi Delta blues man. «
    » Truly? « The Christian god stopped dancing and looked at me. » The same one who went down to the crossroads? «
    » The very same. «
    He laughed and continued walking north, shaking his head. » My adversary is thumbing his nose at me, I think. It is enjoyable, though, to be surprised like that. These brains can’t handle omniscience, so I’m a little slow on the uptake. «
    Behind us, the guitar player suddenly stopped playing and said, » What the hell? « I looked back to see him staring openmouthed at his guitar case, which was inexplicably—miraculously—filled with dollar bills. He whooped and hurriedly closed his case.
    » I think you just made his day, « I said.
    » It was easy enough. Small green pieces of paper. «
    We arrived at Rúla Búla and I opened the door for my companion, waving him in. We sat at the bar directly opposite the door and ordered our beers. I asked