Hexed

» those drunk chicks who killed that one dude because he wouldn’t have sex with them. « His professors must be so proud. I asked him if he knew what maenads were, and instead of correctly answering that it was just another name for Bacchants, he bizarrely thought I was referring to my own testicles—as in, » ’Ere now, mate, don’t swing that bat around me nads. « The conversation deteriorated quickly after that.
    Now that I’m much older and hopefully wiser, I know that the archdruid’s fear was partially his own chauvinist terror of women who did whatever they wanted, but I also know that it was partially well founded.
    Bacchants carry around thyrsi, which are staves wrapped in ivy leaves that give them the power to throw an instant party: Slap the ground with them, and wine bubbles forth. They dance and drink themselves into a frenzy, and then they acquire tremendous strength, sufficient to rip apart a bull (or a man) with their bare hands. As a corollary, their frenzy tends to have a ripple effect on people around them, turning fairly civilized parties into orgies of debauchery. It isn’t the sort of magic that specifically targets anyone, and I suspected much of it had to do with simply stimulating human pheromones, so I feared my amulet wouldn’t protect me from it. In addition to this, Bacchants are not burned by fire, and they cannot be harmed by iron weapons. The former didn’t really apply to me, because Druids don’t go around chucking fireballs at their enemies, but the latter presented me with a huge problem, since I basically used my sword whenever I wanted to do unto others before they did unto me. Bacchants were therefore well protected against the talents of Druids, while I feared myself defenseless against their magic.
    » We have driven them back twice in years past, « Malina said, » but now they not only outnumber us, they can also fulminate a fine frenzy without fear of us showing up, because we’re stuck here until the German hexen are destroyed. I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that the two groups are working together to take over the territory. «
    » This, « I said with a sardonic smile and waggling my left index finger at her, » is starting to sound suspicious to me. «
    Malina’s eyes widened in mock surprise. » Only now it’s starting? «
    » Yes, « I said, ignoring her sarcasm, » it sounds to me like you want me to run around and take care of your problems while you just hang out at home and watch The Notebook or something. « I changed my voice to her pitch and tried to affect a Polish accent. » Go slay the German hexen for me, Druid, and while you’re at it, take care of those bothersome Bacchants and win one for Orpheus. «
    Malina glared at me. » Was that supposed to be an imitation of my accent? It sounded like a Russian trying to imitate Bela Lugosi and failing miserably. My accent is far more sophisticated and dignified. «
    » My imitation of your accent is not the issue. «
    » Well, I’m making it one. And, besides, you offered to help avenge Waclawa. «
    » And so I will. But what does your coven plan to do to fight the hexen ? « I asked. Malina deflated, considered her bottle, then thought better of drinking any more and sighed heavily, throwing her head back on the couch. The movement flung her hair about her head like a yellow whorl of silk, coming to rest on the black leather cushion like a halo. She had the power to enchant her hair so that it made men give her whatever she asked for, but I was beginning to think she hardly needed to use magic on it. The white column of her neck beckoned, and my eyes followed the arrowhead formed by the hollow of her throat and her collarbones, downward to linger on her— baseball . Focus, Atticus! Any kind of liaison with Malina would not end happily.
    » We have to find them first, « she said, » which is the point of tonight’s divination. » Once we know where they are, we can fight back from here. Nothing so dramatic as eight simultaneous hexes, but we will pick off one here and one there until you are ready to confront them directly. I will keep you informed. And when the Bacchants get here—most likely tomorrow night—I’ll let you know where they are as well. «
    » Then I suppose there is nothing left to discuss except whatever you have of mine that you really shouldn’t. «
    » Ah, yes. « Malina pushed herself up from the couch and put her wine bottle on the coffee table, weaving a bit