Hexed

understood. «
    » Good. Now, as I was saying, these services are not of equal value nor of equal risk. You can kill these Bacchants with little fear of reprisal from Bacchus, but I cannot steal the golden apples of Idunn without certain reprisal from every member of the Norse pantheon. It’s not just Idunn who’d be after me, « I said, ticking off gods on my fingers, » it’s Freyja, it’s Odin and his damn ravens, and it’s Mr. Tall, Blond, and Lightning himself. «
    Laksha smiled conspiratorially and leaned forward. » You know what Baba Yaga calls Thor? «
    I leaned forward. » I don’t care. You’re missing the point. «
    Granuaile leaned forward. » You’ve met Baba Yaga? «
    » She calls him that muscle-cocked goatfucker! « Laksha slapped the table, leaned back, and laughed heartily while we stared at her bemusedly. At another time I might have found it amusing—especially since I used to pick fights with Scotsmen by calling them something similar—but not when I was trying to keep » Raid Asgard « off my honey-do list. Granuaile seemed to be having the same difficulty with the comic timing, focused as she was on the revelation that Baba Yaga was a real person familiar with Thor’s intimate life.
    An elderly diner from a neighboring table had been dying for an excuse to stare at the exotic woman with rubies around her neck, and now Laksha had provided her one by laughing so loudly. She noticed the woman’s stare and waggled her finger between us and explained, » We were just talking about goatfucking. « The woman’s eyes bulged in shock—and so did those of her dinner companions—but rather than scold Laksha for being so rude, they hastily returned to attacking their enchiladas with their dentures, eyes studiously contemplating plates of melted cheese and red sauce.
    » You seem a little impatient, Mr. O’Sullivan, « Laksha teased when she turned her attention back to me. » I would think one so wise and learned would have cultivated an appreciation for the many branches of a conversation. «
    » This is the sort of conversation where I’d like to stick to the main trunk, if you don’t mind. «
    Laksha drummed her fingers on the table a couple of times and then grimaced in disappointment. » So be it. I will dispatch your Bacchants tonight if you give me your word you will get me the golden apples before the New Year. If we cannot agree to this, I will thank you for the meal and the visit and return to my husband, who is undoubtedly worried about his precious Selai by now. «
    » Why do you want the golden apples specifically? «
    Laksha executed a facial shrug with a twitch of her eyebrows and a tilt of her head. » I like this body I am in. I don’t want it to age; I don’t want to have to change bodies every few decades. «
    We paused while a white-shirted man refilled our water glasses. » There are other ways to prolong life besides the golden apples, « I said quietly when he had disappeared.
    » Ah, yes. « The witch nodded knowingly. » I have heard of these vitamins, and they may prolong life, but they will not halt the aging process. «
    » Don’t be ridiculous. I mean truly miraculous brews. «
    Laksha raised an eyebrow. » Such as? «
    » The ale of Goibhniu, « I said. » Brewer of the Tuatha Dé Danann. His brews confer immortality. «
    » Ah, this is one of your gods, and you feel it will be easier to procure. «
    » I am owed a reward for killing Aenghus Óg. « I nodded, thinking it was time Brighid followed through on her promise.
    » Congratulations, but it is not an acceptable substitute. This brew of Goibhniu is almost certainly one that I must drink repeatedly to maintain my youth, which means I would be dependent on one of your gods for my continued vitality. I cannot trust myself to such an arrangement. « I supposed from that comment she would not be interested in my Immortali-Tea either. It was just as well; I didn’t want to brew it for her in any case.
    » With the apples it is different, « Laksha continued. » Once I have them, I can grow my own tree from the seeds. «
    I was gobsmacked. » You think you can grow a tree of Asgard here in Midgard? It can’t be done. We’re talking two completely different sets of soil chemistry. «
    » Bullshit, as you Americans say. «
    » He’s Irish, « Granuaile pointed out.
    » The Irish say bullshit too, « Laksha retorted, » and he’s pretending to be American now anyway. « She pointed a finger at me and