If I Tell

dog?” I asked politely.
    “What? The beer? Nah. I’m too old to get drunk anymore.” He sheepishly glanced at Mom. “Well, maybe once in a while, like the night I found out I was becoming a dad.”
    Yeah. I’d seen him drunk, his lips all over my best friend.
    “Anyways. I heard you were the one having a good time last night.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Nathan your new boyfriend?”
    “No. He is not.” I willed him to shut his mouth.
    He grinned. “Damien said Nathan had his arm around you at a party, that’s all.” He winked. “Oh, and there might have been some kissing.”
    I almost passed out with embarrassment.
    “Really?” Mom asked, finally looking interested in something other than her own misery. “Is that true?” She sat up and her grumpy expression softened.
    I narrowed my eyes. The last thing I wanted to talk about was Nathan. “Tell Damien to mind his own business. Just because he’s your brother doesn’t mean he gets to spy on me.”
    Simon held up his hands. “Hey. Sorry, kid. I was just having some fun with you.”
    “Nathan’s that skinny kid who lives with Lacey? Isn’t he a little old for you? He doesn’t seem like your type.”
    I scrunched my nose. “I don’t have a type. Unlike you, I’m not addicted to a color.” I reached for my water and took a sip. I did not want to be having this conversation.
    “Hey, your mother’s taste in men is awesome.” Simon grinned. “Once you go black, you never go back.”
    “Gross.”
    “Jaz.” Mom sounded amused. “It’s okay to have fun at your age. Boyfriends are normal. Just be careful.”
    I squeezed my eyes closed and covered my ears. “Shut up!”
    “Hey.” Mom threw her napkin at my head.
    I fumed.
    “We’re only teasing.” Her brows furrowed.
    “You’ve been mad at me since you found out your mom and me are having a baby.” Simon reached over and folded a hand over Mom’s. She didn’t pull away.
    “You’re an important part of the baby’s life, Jaz. A big sister. I’m not going to come between you and your mom.” He spoke in a soothing tone, as if I were a child.
    I snorted. He already had. I pushed back on the chair and stood. I turned to my mom. “I could not care less about you or your stupid baby. I feel sorry for it. You’re the worst mother in the world. And, Simon, bite me.”
    I rushed from the table. My best high heels flapped on my feet as I scooted past people eating dinner and looking up at me surprised. I fled the restaurant, afraid that if I turned back and saw my mom’s expression, I’d run back to say I was sorry, that I didn’t mean it. But if I turned back, I might blurt out what I’d seen. Instead, I ran. Again.

chapter seven
    Ashley shifted the stick shift on her car and glanced at me. A truck sped past us in the other lane, bright lights momentarily blinding me. The flash of the headlights lit up the purple tips of her hair.
    “Thanks for picking me up,” I said.
    Thank God, she’d been home. I’d been nervous calling her since, until now, we hadn’t had the “I’m stranded. Can you pick me up on the side of the road?” kind of friendship. But she was the only person I could think of, and I’d been close to her neighborhood. She’d said she’d come without even hesitating.
    “No big deal. Not like I was all booked up on a Sunday night. Homework can wait, and you sounded kind of desperate. What’s up?”
    I leaned my head against the window of her car. “God. My freakin’ life is a mess.”
    “Welcome to the club,” she said, but she grinned. “You want to talk about it?”
    I sighed, not unaware that this was my second deep conversation inside a car in as many days. I wanted to talk about it. But I couldn’t.
    “Not really.”
    She nodded and didn’t pry. Ashley was good that way. She didn’t try to force things out of me if I didn’t want to share.
    “So. Where to?” she asked.
    I shook my head, unable to decide. I didn’t want to go home yet. Grandma would have too many questions.
    “I had a fight with my mom and Simon,” I said instead of coming up with a destination. I watched out the window as we passed by the other high school, the one with the state champion football team. The school Ashley used to go to until they managed to chase her out. The pool she swam at stood beside it. The same pool from fourth grade. I looked away.
    When I didn’t say more, Ashley spoke. “I hate fighting with my dad. But it happens all the time.”
    I knew