If I Tell

case Grandma disapproved of her pregnancy. Grandma would play it down in front of me. To her, I was still a child.
    “Hey, Jaz, my second favorite lady. How’s your song writing going?” Simon sounded on the verge of revealing the punch line to a secret joke.
    “Second?” Grandma asked. “What about me?”
    He threw back his head and laughed. “It’s a tie.” He held up his hands in defense.
    I rolled my eyes. “Can you get on with this? I have to go to work.” Their news was not something I wanted to hear over and over again. I’d rather go back in time and erase everything. Maybe I’d start with Simon’s existence. He frowned at me but I paid no attention, fighting to keep in my anger and the desire to stand up and tell everyone what I’d seen. The low-down dirty dog.
    My stomach grumbled and I glanced at the coffee table. As always, Grandma had snacks laid out on her expensive china. She didn’t like fancy things going to waste and used the china at every opportunity. She had the same metabolism as me and believed in eating carbs. I grabbed a homemade cinnamon bun off a plate and shoved a chunk in my mouth as I plunked myself in the La-Z-Boy chair off to the side of the couches.
    Simon stared at me, tugging on his earlobe. “How’s it going, Jaz?” he asked, tilting his head. “Everything all right?”
    I pointed to my full mouth, chewing slowly. He’d have to get used to silence and snarky answers. Our friendship was so over.
    “She’s at the top of her class with most of her grades,” Grandma bragged. “And still a musical genius. Always on her guitar and writing new songs.”
    I shoved more cinnamon bun in my mouth and kept chewing. I could add I was still pretty much socially inept to even things out.
    “Beauty and brains,” Mom said, smiling at me a little too hard.
    “Good thing she takes after her grandma,” Grandma said.
    Mom snorted. “Well. On that fitting note. We have a surprise for you.” Mom leaned forward and picked her purse up off the floor. She unzipped it and pulled out a small, blue velvet box and thrust it into Grandma’s hand.
    Simon leaned forward, watching them with his huge paw-like hand reaching up to cover his mouth. His lips were turned up in a smile, and I wanted to snatch it off his face. What right did he have to look excited?
    “What’s this?” Grandma asked, glancing at Simon and then back at my mom.
    Mom leaned back against the couch. “Open it.”
    I shoved more cinnamon bun in my mouth.
    Grandma squealed when she looked inside the box. “This isn’t jewelry.” She pulled out a pregnancy test with a bright blue positive sign in the square in the middle.
    I stuck my tongue out, disgusted. “Gross. She peed on that thing.”
    Grandma chuckled. “I’m going to be a grandma!” She squealed and wrapped her arms around Mom. For the first time in years I witnessed them hugging. Grandma broke away and turned to me, her eyes moist with tears. “Did you know about this? I can’t believe you kept a secret! You’re terrible at secrets.”
    “I am not.” I glared at Simon, but he was grinning so I looked back at Grandma.
    Grandma put the pregnancy test back in the box and brought it to her chest. “You’ll be a big sister.” She was cuddling the pee stick.
    “Lucky me.” I looked down and noticed a tiny hole in the big toe of my sock.
    “Jaz.” I glanced up. Grandma’s eyebrows were knit together tight. “That was rude.” She turned to Simon. “So when is the big day?”
    “Hello? We’re not getting married,” Mom said.
    “I meant the due date,” Grandma said and swatted at her knee. “When have you ever done things in the right order?”
    Mom laughed, and the three of them all started talking at the same time.
    “Hey Jaz, the baby’s due two days after my twenty-eighth birthday. How cool a present is that?” Simon called to me. “I phoned my dad with the news, and he’s flying across the pond a few months after the baby’s born.”
    As if I should still care. Simon’s dad moved to England years ago when he split with Simon’s mom. I knew Simon would be pumped about seeing him again, but I hardened my heart, trying not to think about our long talks about absent fathers. I didn’t want to care about Simon or his life anymore.
    I imagined myself standing up and pointing an accusing finger at Simon. Not cool at all, you two-timing freak. How far did you go after I saw you making out with Lacey? Did you get her pregnant