I'll Be Here

with a bag of jellybeans.  I thought of the time that we picked out all the disgusting black jellybeans and dropped them on the beach and not even the seagulls would touch them.  I almost called your name but then I thought that you might not talk to me because of how things stand.  I want to apologize for what happened with Taylor.  You were a good girlfriend and didn’t deserve that shit.   I want us to be friends and I propose that we at least try it out.  I’m having a party tomorrow night after the regional track meet.  You should come. 
    Dustin
     
    I read it twice, my eyes lingering on the words.  The jellybeans had been a treat for Aaron who actually did eat the black ones because he’s strange like that. 
    You were a good girlfriend.
    What the hell is he getting at?
    And the party?
    Yeah right.
    Because it would make a lot of sense for me to show up at my ex-boyfriend’s party and watch him make-out in a corner with my ex-friend while a bunch of people that don’t seem to like me very much stand around and talk about how awkward it is that I came to the party in the first place.  
    ***
     
    I lace my sneakers.  Double-knots.
    This is the first time I’ve jogged since the breakup and my quads are tight and stiff.  As part of my stretching routine I grab my ankle and pull it up behind me with my heel held against my butt.  Today I repeat the stretch twice to make sure my muscles are loosened up.
    Jogging was really Dustin’s thing.  I picked it up the first year that we were together since he was always training for the track team and I wanted to suck all of him in, like a breath of air that I’d gulp down before diving headfirst into the water.  Dustin was thrilled that I wanted to run with him.  Mom was pleased that I’d taken an interest in keeping my body healthy.  In fact, it may be the only time that Dustin and my mother ever agreed on anything. 
    With my earbuds snuggly in place and the beat of my favorite band filling me, I start out slowly.  My feet are tentative against the pavement.  My breathing is shallow. But when I round the corner where the narrow neighborhood roads meet and braid together to make one larger street, I let myself go. 
    I run. 
    I run like I’m screaming bloody murder.  Legs throbbing like a tidal heartbeat, arms pumping like stumpy wings at my side.  For one second, when the wind is whipping my sweat cold and the trees are green slurs blowing by, I think I might actually do it.  I might take off.   
    There’s a familiar deep blue Toyota parked in the driveway when I come back from my run.  Sunlight flashes in the side mirror.  My nervousness picks up as I walk up the driveway.  Tugging gently, I pull my earbuds out and let them dangle over my right shoulder.
    Voices and laughter greet me at the door.  Using my toes for leverage, I slide out of my running sneakers.  Aaron is propped up on his elbows, his belly flat on the floor, coloring a rocket-shaped cutout. 
    “Willow honey!  Don’t you look amazing.”
    I grin.  “Unfortunately I don’t smell amazing at the moment.”
    “Nonsense,” Brooke says pulling me into a quick hug.  Her dark hair brushes my shoulder.  She steps back to look at me, her hands still gripping my upper arms. 
    I am hit full force by how alike she and Alex are, down to the clear faceted eyes and the curve of her cheekbones. 
    “Tell me what you’ve been up to lately,” she says.
    Mom emerges from the kitchen wiping her hands on her khaki shorts.  “Hi sweetie!  Brooke was just dropping off a brochure about the retreat we’re going on next month and I told her she should stay for dinner, but—”
    “But Pete’s waiting on me,” Brooke finishes for her.  I think they share a look but I’m not sure.  Maybe I’m being paranoid.  “He’s making a new shrimp dish that he’s been wanting us to try for ages.” 
    She wraps her arm around me and swings us towards the couch.  “I have a minute though.  Tell me—are you looking forward to graduation?”
    I nod.  “Yeah.  Just a few more papers due and then finals and then I’ll be official.”
    “Pete and I will both be there of course.  We wouldn’t miss the chance to see you in your cap and gown.  But I promise not to make you pose for too many pictures.  I thought Alex was going to kill me and stuff me in my camera bag at his graduation.”  She laughs at the memory and inclines her head to me. 
    “In all honesty, I did