Jane Actually

centre and she offered to take them there in her car. Her presence made it difficult to talk and it took fifteen minutes before they had the anonymity of a booth and freedom to speak.
    “What’s this all about, Jane?” Melody asked after she finally had a glass of wine in front of her.
    “I am sorry. Please forgive me my irritableness. It was unconscionable for me to use such a term.”
    “I only managed to get you a spot on the number two rated talk show.”
    “She said she’s sorry,” Mary said on Jane’s behalf.
    “And I am,” Jane confirmed. “This schedule must be tiring to you both, but think what it must be like for a bicentenarian.”
    “You’re trying to make me sorry for booking you?”
    “Actually, I’m also getting a little tired,” Mary said, in defence of Jane, and because she wondered if Jane was trying to obscure something from Melody. She took a large sip of her wine and felt the warmth go through her. Despite Melody’s usual taste in plonk, 2 she found Chateau Television Centre quite agreeable. She normally didn’t drink much, but the truth of it was their schedule was demanding. They had just returned to London after visits to Glasgow, Dublin, Paris and Barcelona, and were preparing for their visit to Chawton next week.
    “Well, I’m a little tired too,” Melody said. “But you don’t hear me complaining.”
    “We know you’re a machine, Mel, but would it kill you to schedule some down time? I only ask for Jane, because she’s so tired. Why she’s a mere shadow of herself.”
    “Oh very witty, Mr Wilde,” Jane replied. Mary recognized the remark as a reference to the
Monty Python
episode Jane had insisted they watch the previous night, another example of British humour lost on her.
    “Who? Oh, Oscar Wilde. Is she still watching all those
Monty Python
episodes? That’s why she’s getting so cranky; she’s staying up late watching TV.”
    The wine did its bit to relax Mary and Melody and Jane did her best to brighten their spirits, despite her distraction. She knew the schedule was gruelling for her friends and felt concern for them, but her real pre-occupation was the question the silly talk show host had asked her.
    “Is there anyone special in your life,” he’d asked, and she desperately wanted to say, “Yes, there is.”
    She thought of Albert and found that she missed him desperately. They had spoken, albeit briefly, just a few days ago, but the chat made her keenly aware of the distance between them, which made no sense at all. Before her fame, when they chatted online, they were on separate continents, but it felt like they might be sitting together on a bench on a summer day. But now when they chatted, she could feel the distance between them, either here in London or whatever city they were visiting in America.
    I cannot continue to lie to him. That is the reason I no longer feel close to him.
    But could she actually tell the world that “Yes, I, Jane Austen, the most famous spinster in literature, have found someone special.”
    “We should do something tomorrow,” Melody suddenly said. “I can delay going back another day.”
    Mary looked at Melody with a little alarm. She tried to imagine how much money would be involved in abandoning her reservation and booking the flight for another day.
    “Wouldn’t that be terribly expensive?” Jane asked.
    “I can invent an excuse for you to skip a book signing. Mary can develop some tummy trouble, and we can go sightseeing or something,” she said, ignoring the question asked.
    “I think you’re getting drunk,” Mary said.
    “No, I definitely am drunk, but you two want a break. Why don’t we go for a river cruise, up—or is it down—the Thames? I’ve always wanted to do that. Oh, we can go to Hampton Court. Wouldn’t that be great to approach it by river?”
    Mary had to confess her ignorance of Hampton Court and when it was explained to her, she privately thought the idea of traipsing through a big museum unappealing, but she was so amused by Melody’s enthusiasm that she agreed to it.
    Jane also agreed to the excursion and made a reference to
Three Men in a Boat
, 3 which had to be explained to her friends and led to a discussion of whether they could rent a skiff and a caution to bring a tin opener for the pineapples.
    1 Regency slang for a homosexual
    2 Cheap, but endearing wine, familiar to fans of
Rumpole of the Bailey
    3 A comedic travelogue penned by Jerome K. Jerome, published in