Lamb: the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

the scroll and read. “It’s an invitation to come to dinner in Bethany during Passover week, Joshua. A ranking member of the Sanhedrin requests your presence at dinner at his home to discuss your wonderful ministry. It’s signed Jakan bar Iban ish Nazareth.”
    Maggie’s husband. The creep.
    I said, “Good first day, huh, Matthew?”

C hapter 27
The angel and I watched Star Wars for the second time on television last night, and I just had to ask. “You’ve been in God’s presence, right, Raziel?”
“Of course.”
“Do you think he sounds like James Earl Jones?”
“Who’s that?”
“Darth Vader.”
Raziel listened for a moment while Darth Vader threatened someone. “Sure, a little. He doesn’t breathe that heavy though.”
“And you’ve seen God’s face.”
“Yes.”
“Is he black?”
“I’m not allowed to say.”
“He is, isn’t he? If he wasn’t you’d just say he wasn’t.”
“I’m not allowed to say.”
“He is.”
“He doesn’t wear a hat like that,” said Raziel.
“Ah-ha!”
“All I’m saying is no hat. That’s all I’m saying.”
“I knew it.”
“I don’t want to watch this anymore.” Raziel switched the channel. God (or someone who sounded like him) said, “This is CNN.”
    We came up to Jerusalem, in the gate at Bethsaida called the Eye of the Needle, where you had to duck down to pass through, out the Golden Gate, through the Kidron Valley, and over the Mount of Olives into Bethany.
    We had left the brothers and Matthew behind because they had jobs, and Bartholomew because he stank. His lack of cleanliness had started to draw attention lately from the local Pharisees in Capernaum and we didn’t want to push the issue since we were walking into the lair of the enemy. Philip and Nathaniel joined us on our journey, but stayed behind on the Mount of Olives at a clearing called Gethsemane, where there was a small cave and an olive press. Joshua tried to convince me to stay with them, but I insisted.
    “I’ll be fine,” Joshua said. “It’s not my time. Jakan won’t try anything, it’s just dinner.”
    “I’m not worried about your safety, Josh, I just want to see Maggie.” I did want to see Maggie, but I was worried about Joshua’s safety as well. Either way, I wasn’t staying behind.
    Jakan met us at the gate wearing a new white tunic belted with a blue sash. He was stocky, but not as fat as I expected him to be, and almost exactly my height. His beard was black and long, but had been cut straight across about the level of his collarbone. He wore the pointed linen cap worn by many of the Pharisees, so I couldn’t tell if he’d lost any of his hair. The fringe that hung down was dark brown, as were his eyes. The most frightening and perhaps the most surprising thing about him was that there was a spark of intelligence in his eyes. That hadn’t been there when we were children. Perhaps seventeen years with Maggie had rubbed off on him.
    “Come in, fellow Nazarenes. Welcome to my home. There are some friends inside who wanted to meet you.”
    He led us through the door into a large great room, large enough in fact to fit any two of the houses we shared at Capernaum. The floor was paved in tile with turquoise and red mosaic spirals in the corners of the room (no pictures, of course). There was a long Roman-style table at which five other men, all dressed like Jakan, sat. (In Jewish households the tables were close to the ground and diners reclined on cushions or on the floor around them.) I didn’t see Maggie anywhere, but a serving girl brought in large pitchers of water and bowls for us to wash our hands in.
    “Let this water stay water, will you, Joshua?” Jakan said, smiling. “We can’t wash in wine.”
    Jakan introduced us to each of the men, adding some sort of elaborate title to each of their names that I didn’t catch, but which indicated, I’m sure, that they were all members of the Sanhedrin as well as the Council of Pharisees. Ambush. They received us curtly, then made their way to the water bowls to wash their hands before dinner, all of them watching as Joshua and I washed and offered prayer. This, after all, was part of the test.
    We sat. The water pitchers and bowls were taken away by the serving girl, who then brought pitchers of wine.
    “So,” said the eldest of the Pharisees, “I hear you have been casting demons out of the afflicted in Galilee.”
    “Yes, we’re having a lovely Passover week,” I said. “And