Lancelot

Lucy ask Suellen, who was packing her metal candy boxes in Elgin’s Plymouth Charger: “What’s got into Papa?”
    â€œMr. Lance know what he doing, girl,” said Suellen conventionally but in truth relieved that somebody, anybody, was taking charge.
    â€œWhat’s the hurry. Papa?” asked Lucy, thinking of Raine again.
    â€œWell, for one thing, they need you at the Tri-Phi house. I just talked to Mrs. Davaux. The freshmen are getting panicky even though the storm is only going to sideswipe them. Mrs. Davaux thinks you’re the one to calm them. She says you have real leadership qualities. Otherwise you’re going to lose half your pledges to the Chi O’s—whose seniors are all back.” (I did talk to Mrs. Davaux and she did say something like that.)
    Ah, that was a different story. A hard choice between Raine and Troy and the hurricane, and shoring up wavering Tri-Phi pledges. Her Tri-Phi loyalties would have won out, I think, even without my orders.
    â€œAnyhow, Raine’s not leaving. She’ll be around for a while.”
    It was true in a sense.
    â€œOkay, Papa. To tell you the truth, I’m a little scared.”
    â€œGood. Now get going.”
    â€œOkay, Papa.”
    Putting her hands on my shoulders, she held me off, setting her head to one side Rainelike. Jesus Christ, the movies.
    â€œPapa, I love you.”
    â€œI love you too.”
    The wind was picking up. Now it was sustained between gusts. I went out on the galleries and closed the shutters, shot the heavy bolts. They locked from the outside.
    Afterwards I met Raine in the hall on her way to the belvedere with a tray.
    â€œWhat’s the matter with you, Lance?”
    â€œWhat do you mean?”
    â€œYou look awful.”
    â€œI’m tired.”
    â€œHere. I’ve got drinks right here.”
    â€œNo thanks.”
    â€œThen try a couple of these. One now and one later.” She gave me two capsules. “They’re the best of all downers. They leave you relaxed but euphoric. You feel absolutely free to choose, to plan and act. You can choose to sleep or not to sleep. You become your true self.”
    I looked at her. “Very well.”
    The truth was, I needed something. There was a cold numbing sensation spreading from the pit of my stomach. What I really wanted was a drink.
    She set down the tray and poured me a drink of water. I swallowed both pills. She looked at me. “Why don’t we meet later tonight?”
    â€œVery well.”
    She started up the attic steps.
    â€œI wouldn’t stay up there too long, Raine. The wind is expected to reach over a hundred. The glass may not hold.”
    â€œWe won’t. We’re just enjoying the lovely sky and clouds and lightning. Did you ever see such a sky? Why don’t you join us?”
    â€œNot right now. Send Margot down though. I want to speak to her.”
    Margot came down. She stood in the dark hall at right angles to me, arms crossed, foot cocked on heel.
    â€œMargot, will you leave with me now? We can go anywhere you like.”
    â€œNo.”
    â€œThen will you come and stay with me tonight?”
    â€œNo.”
    â€œThat’s it?”
    â€œThat’s it.”
    â€œWhat do you mean, that’s it?”
    â€œI do love you, Lance.”
    â€œBut—”
    â€œNo buts. I love you as I’ve always loved you, with the old me. But there are other me’s. One grows.”
    â€œThen love me with the old me.”
    â€œWhat can I do?” She shrugged. She was not too attentive. Her head was slightly atilt as if she were listening for a new overtone in the storm. “The feeling is not there. One can’t help one’s feelings.”
    She hollowed her mouth and cocked her head. I could not hear over the uproar of the storm, but I knew her tongue went tock tock against the roof of her mouth.
    Something worked in the pit of my stomach. It took hold and caught. I realized it was the drug catching on, meshing into my body like a gear.
    She swung around to face me, hands on her hips. Holding herself erect, she set one foot forward and turned slightly out. Her face was severe, unpainted, Scandinavian. Christ, she was already Nora Helmer in A Doll’s House.
    â€œWhat are you going to do, Margot?” I asked dreamily.
    â€œWhat am I going to do?” Tock tock. “Well, I’ll tell you one thing I can’t do. I can’t just sit