Left for Garbage

I believe to be true, Denise did manage to love her little girl. She put it all out of her mind, forced it from her mind and lived in the moment with Deeley , just as she later lived in the moment when Deeley was no more. Still, despite the walls of denial she built, she was still screaming inside.
    Margaret , who knew all and had not only blocked Denise from getting medical attention but had said no yet again when young Denise found a friend to adopt the baby she feared she could never love, basically forced her to parent her child.
    Denise , who had never had one moment of freedom prior to Deeley’s birth, was expected to embrace this child, and to care for her and to understand that the hateful existence she had lived for the prior nineteen years would now continue until the child she had been forced to bear grew up herself.
    There was never going to be an escape from the Brown house, not for Denise , and later, she came to fear, not for Deeley either. She did love her child, in spite of everything, and unlike many less generous young girls, she did not resent her. Instead, she tried to protect her but it was impossible; she couldn’t protect herself, let alone her daughter.
    Denise would be the first to admit she feels like she failed Deeley, but long before Deeley ever came along, Denise’s parents had failed her , and in all the worst ways.
    I heard what the awfu l Charlotte Hope said on her so-called ‘special edition’, the way she made it sound like my Denise ran the show because Margaret threw out her own mother for not making Denise the French toast she had asked for. What Charlotte Hope failed to tell was how Denise, a young girl who loves the water, spent the whole week inside wearing long sleeves and pants. Why, one might ask, would Denise forego an opportunity to swim and frolic with her brother and cousins? Could it be because she was afraid to put on a bathing suit and arouse the monstrous appetites of her father?
    Could Margaret’s seemingly over-the- top devotion to her daughter’s wishes be because she liked to appease Denise on the small things, like food and extra money, so that Denise would be less likely to protest against the much larger things she did not, could never, have - safety, peace, childhood and freedom?
    Denise is a brave little soul , and despite being the victim of every ugly thing which can be done to first a child then a young woman, she kept trying to swim above the filth and find a safe harbor.
    When Deeley was eighteen months old, Denise went to a friend of her mothers who she trust ed, another nurse and told her, “I think I’m losing my mind. I feel like I’ll die or do something bad if I have to go back to that house,” meaning her parent’s home. She went on to say, “I know there’s something wrong with me, wrong with the way we live, and I want to go to an institution, a safe place. They can lock me up there, I don’t mind.”
    The woman , who prefers to remain anonymous, was horrified. What could be so wrong to make a beautiful young woman want to be locked up in an institution?
    Concerned and wanting to help, she spent the day researching potential treatment centers for Denise , and when she had information, she placed a call that very night to the Brown home.
    Margaret answered , and when the woman asked for Denise, Margaret said, “Is this about that nonsense of hers, wanting to go to a mental institution?”
    The woman mumbled t hat she’d rather talk to Denise.
    Margaret snapped back, “Sure, you can talk to her, but she’s not going anywhere. Denise’s fine, and if there’s something wrong with my daughter, I’ll handle it myself.”
    Terribly worried by then for Denise, the woman, despite being intimidated by Margaret, insisted on speaking to Denise - poor, sad, scared little Denise - who simply thanked her for calling and said, in what the kindly nurse described as a deadened tone, “I’m fine now. Thank you for calling. My mom and I have talked and I’m fine now.”
    Of course she wasn’t fine , and the minutes, hours and days where Denise could even pretend to be fine any longer were drawing to a close. She is so amazed, this sweet daughter of my heart, that the jurors saw the truth, so amazed and touched that I don’t have the heart to tell her how I, a seasoned criminal attorney, see this verdict, and again this is where Miss Chase, or whatever name that wonderful woman chooses to go by, comes in to play.
    You see , the