Life After Death: The Shocking True Story of a Innocent Man on Death Row

and madness. I once saw a man get thirty days for giving another man construction paper. The only thing you can do is keep your head down, be quiet, and try to avoid notice.
    F EBRUARY 27
    I just received a letter from Amy in New Jersey, asking if I believe in God. What I think is that belief is irrelevant. Belief doesn’t play much of a role in my life. What matters to me is experience. I experience the Divine in my life on a daily basis. For me, effort is far more important than belief, and the effort I put forth is to spend every single moment of my life in the presence of the Divine.
    I like to compare spirituality to riding a bicycle. You can believe with every fiber of your being that it’s possible to ride a bicycle, but until you start practicing you won’t be able to do it. Spirituality has to be about action, not belief.
    One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from Oscar Wilde. When someone asked him if he believed in God, his response was “No, I believe in something much bigger.” I feel the same way. There is no old man waiting in the clouds to inflict pain on us for our failures. What there is is beyond words. Our concepts of God are tiny and insignificant compared to the reality of what Divinity is. Does that answer your question, Amy?
    Speaking of such things, I gave up all cursing for Lent in an attempt to practice a more mindful way of speaking. It’s harder than I thought it would be. I’ve slipped several times, but I’m still trying. What trips me up most is dealing with the abusive guards. When they’re deliberately trying to hurt me, or when they’re harassing Lorri, I find myself cursing them under my breath and have to remind myself “No cursing!” Lorri and I are supposed to be able to see each other for three hours once a week, but this week a hateful guard deliberately took an hour of our time. The more attention the case gets, the more hateful and vindictive the guards become.
    F EBRUARY 28
    I’ve never felt anything like what I’ve been feeling for the past few days. It’s like there’s a tremendous tidal wave hovering over my head. It’s just been growing and growing ever since word of Johnny Depp being a supporter and friend began to make the rounds. Johnny contacted Lorri for the first time in 1999, calling her up on the phone while she was at work one day. From that moment on, he corresponded with us both, with emotional and financial support in equal measure. He learned everything he could about the case, down to the finest details, and when he appeared on
48 Hours
his participation was startling where his knowledge of events was concerned. To be honest, it’s a little scary. It just feels so huge. I can only imagine what the energy would feel like out there. One thing I’ve discovered is that I wouldn’t want to be a celebrity for anything in the world. They have to live with far more energy than this directed at them twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I can’t even imagine how it would be to have to try to lead a normal life when there are people constantly trying to ask you questions, catch you on film, et cetera.
    I know there must be a lot of support being generated out there because the level of hatred directed toward me by the guards has increased tenfold. I don’t even care. It just lets me know that good things are happening. The feeling in the air is almost the same thing I feel when a thunderstorm is coming. That’s what I pray for—rain. Enough rain to wash away the corruption, the cover-ups, the darkness, and the apathy that has stolen the past seventeen years of my life.
    M ARCH 16
    The prison refused to let me see Harada Roshi. Communication between us has suddenly become a “security risk,” even though nothing has changed since the last time. I gave up trying to understand prison logic long ago—
Rolling Stone
magazine is a security risk, sodas are a security risk, salt and pepper are security risks. The list goes on and on. It’s incredibly disappointing that we didn’t get to talk. It would have been like getting a breath of fresh air to have been able to see Roshi and Chisan. Chisan is Roshi’s translator, and a female priest who does tarot readings in Japan. They carry an incredible energy with them wherever they go. It’s like love, happiness, compassion, discipline, and fun all rolled up into one current of golden light. At least Lorri got to meet them for dinner and talk about where our practice has taken us. I