Life and Death are Wearing Me Out

tails, all with our lips and teeth. The tender light of devotion flowed unchecked from her eyes. Humans are overweening creatures, believing themselves to have raised amorous feelings to the greatest heights, while in fact, nothing can stir up a man’s passions like a female donkey. Here, of course, I refer to my donkey, Han Donkey, the one belonging to Han Huahua. After standing in the middle of the river to drink the clear water, we sauntered up to the bank to dine on reeds that had already turned yellow, but retained enough moisture for us, and juicy red berries. We frightened birds away as we ate, and spotted a fat snake slithering out from a clump of grass. It must have been looking for a place to sleep through the winter, so it didn’t pester us. After we had told one another everything there was to tell, it was time to choose pet names. She called me Naonao, I called her Huahua.
    Naonao and Huahua. We’ll stay together forever. Heaven and earth cannot tear us apart. How does that sound, Naonao? It sounds wonderful, Huahua. Let’s become wild donkeys and live amid the meandering ridges of sand, among the lush tamarisk bushes, alongside the clear water of this worry-free river. We’ll eat nice green grass when we’re hungry, we’ll drink from the river when we’re thirsty, and we’ll lie down to sleep together, coupling often, loving and caring for one another always. I’ll swear to you that I’ll never look at another female donkey, and you’ll swear to me that you’ll never let another male mount you. I swear it, my dear Naonao. Darling Huahua, I swear it too. You must not only ignore other female donkeys, but mustn’t even look at a mare, Naonao, Huahua said as she nipped my hide. Humans are shameless the way they mate male donkeys with female horses to produce strange animals they call mules. Don’t worry, Huahua. Even if they blindfolded me, I’d never mount a horse. But you need to promise me you’ll never let one mount you, because male horses and female donkeys also produce mules. Don’t worry, Naonao. Even if they tied me to a stake, I’d keep my tail tucked tightly between my legs. What I have belongs only to you. . . .
    We lay in our love nest, neck to neck, like a pair of swans frolicking on the water. Words cannot chronicle our mutual affection; our tender feelings were indescribable. We stood shoulder to shoulder at the edge of the river, gazing at our reflection. Lights flashed in our eyes, our lips swelled, our beauty came from love; we were a match made in heaven.
    As we stood there lost in love in the bosom of nature, a clamor rose behind us. Jerking our heads up out of our reveries, we saw a group of twenty or so people fanning in on us.
    Run, Huahua! — Don’t be afraid, Naonao. Look, it’s people we know.
    Huahua’s attitude turned my heart cold. Of course I knew who they were, I could see that right off. The crowd included my master, Lan Lian, his wife, Yingchun, and two of Lan Lian’s village friends, the brothers Fang Tianbao and Fang Tianyou (martial arts masters in a story by Mo Yan). My cast-off halter was cinched around Lan Lian’s waist; he was holding a long pole with a noose on the end, while Yingchun was carrying a lantern whose red paper shade was so badly singed the metal frame beneath it was exposed. One of the Fang brothers was carrying a rope in his hand, the other was dragging a club behind him. Others in the crowd included Han, the humpbacked stone mason, his half-brother, Han Qun, plus some men I’d seen before but whose names I didn’t know. They looked tired and dirty, which meant they’d been out looking all night.
    Run, Huahua! — I can’t, Naonao. — Then grab hold of my tail with your teeth, and I’ll pull you along. —Where can we run to, Naonao? They’ll catch up to us sooner or later, Huahua said meekly. Besides, they’ll probably go back for their rifles, and no matter how fast we run, we can’t outrun a bullet. Huahua, I replied, disappointed, you haven’t forgotten our vows already, have you? You swore to stay with me for all eternity, swore that we would be wild donkeys, to live in freedom, with no constraints, loving one another in nature’s bosom. She hung her head as tears welled up in her eyes. Naonao, she said, you’re a male donkey. You were relaxed after you pulled yourself out of me, not a care in the world. But now I’m carrying your offspring. I’m probably carrying twins, and my belly will soon be getting