Lifesaving for Beginners

last Sunday when she found the papers in the attic, instead of the rosary beads.
    ‘What?’
    ‘She’s crying. In the kitchen.’
    He says, ‘What’s wrong with her?’
    I say, ‘I don’t know.’ That’s true. I don’t know. Every time I go into the kitchen, Faith looks away so I won’t notice that she’s crying. And they stop talking. The way adults do when they’re talking about something that’s not suitable for kids.
    Dad says, ‘It’s probably boy trouble, eh son?’ I don’t think so. I saw Rob kiss Faith this morning before he went to his job at the shop where they fix guitars. A proper kiss. On the lips, I mean. They closed their eyes and kissed for ages. Over a minute, I reckon.
    ‘Hang on.’ I go into the kitchen.
    Adrian is saying, ‘I swear, Faith. We didn’t know. Tell her, Ant.’
    Ant says, ‘He’s telling the truth, Faith. We hadn’t a clue until you rang us the other day.’
    I look at Faith and say, ‘Dad’s on the phone.’ I don’t tell her that I told Dad that she’s been crying. I shouldn’t have told him. I don’t know why I did. Sometimes adults know what to do about things but I don’t know if Dad will, to be honest.
    Faith says, ‘Christ,’ and wipes her nose with the sleeve of her jumper like she’s always telling me not to do.
    Ant hands her a tissue and tells her to take it easy. He says, ‘Maybe there’s an explanation.’
    Faith laughs like someone who doesn’t think anything is funny. Then she blows her nose. It sounds like Damo’s trumpet. He got it for his birthday but he still can’t play it. He just blows into it.
    Faith says, ‘Bedtime, Milo,’ before she leaves the kitchen. I have a feeling Faith is mad with me except I don’t know why. I even tidied my room yesterday without anyone asking me to, but I don’t think she noticed.
    Adrian says, ‘I’ll bring you up.’ He picks up his glass of wine and finishes it. It’s probably just as well Dad’s not here tonight. ‘I just have to go for a piss first.’
    If Mam was here, she’d say, ‘Mind your manners,’ and Adrian would say, ‘I’m eighteen, Ma,’ and she’d say, ‘You’re never too old for a clip round the ear,’ even though she never gave anyone a clip round the ear. She just said you were never too old for one.
    I say, ‘I don’t need anyone to bring me to bed. I’m not a little kid.’
    Adrian grins and puts up his fists like a boxer, which means that he wants to mess fight me but I’m not in the mood for a mess fight. I know that’s weird but I’m not.
    I walk past Faith, who is sitting on the floor in the hall. She doesn’t notice me when I walk past. She must be gripping the phone really hard cos her knuckles are dead white. It’s dark at the top of the stairs but when I flick the light switch, nothing happens. Someone needs to put in a new bulb. I can’t do it. I can’t reach. I sit on the top step.
    Faith says, ‘Why did you never tell me?’ She’s not crying any more. She sounds mad now, like the time I went to the Funky Banana after school without telling her. I love the smell of the café. It smells like coffee beans and banana and peanut-butter muffins. I always used to go there after school. I just forgot that day. I forgot I wasn’t supposed to go there anymore.
    She sounds like that now. Really mad. ‘Last week. Sunday. I was looking for her grandmother’s rosary beads. I found the papers in the bloody attic.’
    She doesn’t say anything for a while so I suppose Dad must be talking. Probably saying, ‘How’s tricks?’ and, ‘What are you up to?’ and, ‘How’s school?’ Faith doesn’t even go to school anymore. She goes to music college. She started there two years ago, after she was finished travelling round the world. And she’s in a band. Damo said, ‘So?’ when I told him that but I could tell he was impressed.
    ‘No, no, that’s bullshit,’ says Faith. ‘You could have told me. I mean, Jason Bond was adopted and everyone knew about that. I came home from school and told you all about it. You could have told me then. Why didn’t you tell me then?’
    Another silence. I put my thumb in my mouth. I’m not supposed to do that anymore. Mam brought me to Legoland after I gave up.
    ‘I remember Mam being pregnant with Ant and Adrian and Milo. So it was just me, right? I’m the only one. Why?’
    Jessica in year seven in my school is adopted. When I was a little kid, I used to think babies came out of their mam’s