Lifesaving for Beginners

walked through the door. Years of smacking your forehead on architraves will do that to a man.
    In the end, there was no need to worry about Thomas meeting Ed. I probably should have known that.
    Thomas said, ‘You must be Ed,’ when he strode into the living room.
    Ed stood up and brushed turkey-and-stuffing-and-cranberry-sauce sandwich crumbs off his trousers. He said, ‘Are you Kat’s boyfriend?’
    Thomas said, ‘Kat’s too old to have a boyfriend.’
    Ed said, ‘She’s not that old. She’s only thirty-eight.’
    I said, ‘Ed!’ Thomas and I hadn’t discussed our ages. Well, OK, he’d told me he was forty-five but my age hadn’t come up. Well, maybe it came up once and I might have said I was thirty-five or something like that. I can’t remember every little detail, can I?
    Thomas looked at the telly and said, ‘That’s Miracle on 34th Street , isn’t it?’
    ‘Is it? I’m not sure . . . we haven’t really been . . .’ When Ed took it out of his overnight bag I had presumed it was one of those films I’d hate.
    Thomas said, ‘I love that film.’
    ‘Oh.’
    ‘Do you mind if I stay and watch it with ye?’
    ‘Well, I suppose . . .’
    ‘And are there any of those lovely-looking sandwiches going a-beggin’?’
    In the end, we managed to fit on the couch, all three of us. We ate the mince pies that Thomas had brought. ‘The mammy made them,’ he said after Ed gave them – an over-generous, I felt – eleven out of ten. I was sandwiched between them. They talked across me. They talked about football; they both supported Chelsea. They talked about films; Thomas admitted to a passionate interest in all things vampire, which Ed approved of. They talked about their jobs; Ed explained how he made the perfect scrambled eggs in the café where he worked while Thomas countered with a step-by-step account of the best way to milk a goat.
    I felt a couple of things. A bit drowsy, from the overeating and the heat of being sandwiched between them. Perhaps a little tired. There may have been some shame. That I ever thought that Thomas would treat Ed differently instead of with his usual gruff charm and curiosity. He was never afraid of Ed’s disability. He just accepted it, like he accepted most things, even me.
    Later, when Ed went to bed, I sat beside Thomas on the couch and, without really planning it, I kissed him. If he was surprised, he didn’t show it. I went all out then and wrapped his arm round me and tucked my head under the massive awning of his shoulder.
    After a while, he said, ‘You’d better be mighty careful, Katherine Kavanagh.’
    ‘Why?’
    ‘Because I think you’re falling for me.’ His tone was matter-of-fact, his eyes trained on the telly.
    I said, ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
    He said, ‘It’s worse than I thought.’
    ‘What could be worse than that, you dirty-looking eejit?’
    He said, ‘You love me.’ His voice was dead-pan. He might have been talking about the weather. It was infuriating.
    ‘You’re deluded.’
    ‘I’m right.’
    Despite myself, I was curious. He sounded so . . . certain.
    I cleared my throat. ‘Let’s just suppose – just for a moment – that you’re correct. What would it mean? Hypothetically, I mean.’
    He smiled. Ran his fingers down his face. They made a scratchy sound across his stubble. He said, ‘I would have to admit to harbouring similar feelings.’
    ‘Harbouring?’
    ‘Harbouring.’
    I let that sink in for a while. It felt . . . well, nice, I suppose. Warm and sort of touching, if you’re into that kind of thing.
    ‘But would anything change?’
    ‘No.’ And the strange thing was, I believed him. I did. For a while, anyway. I allowed myself to be lulled by his confidence. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, in spite of the fact that there were things about me that Thomas did not know and never would.
    I believed him.
    That’s where I went wrong.
     
    Now I put my arm round Ed’s shoulders. I say, ‘There’s nothing to be scared of, Ed. Besides, I’m here. We managed before, didn’t we? When it was just us?’
    Ed nods but a shadow of uncertainty falls across his face. This is what happens when you throw caution to the wind. It’s not as easy as you’d think to get back to the way things were. Before.

 
    Faith takes me with her because Mrs Barber is in the hospital again. I think it’s her other hip this time. I don’t mind. I don’t like going to Mrs Barber’s house after school. It looks the