Lifesaving for Beginners

‘Tell me why.’
    ‘Because . . . because . . . I just . . . I want to see her. I want to know what happened. I want to know why.’ Faith glances at me but I close my eyes and tap my foot against the floor, as if to the beat of ‘Dreams in the Daytime’, which is my favourite song. It’s the one that Faith sings the best. She looks at Jonathon again. ‘This is going to sound weird but . . .’
    Jonathon nods. ‘Go on, Faith.’ He can’t keep his gob shut for longer than two seconds, I swear.
    Faith says, ‘I find it really hard to believe.’
    Even though Jonathon is nodding, he says, ‘What do you mean?’
    ‘I mean . . . Dad said it was true. I saw the paperwork myself. The adoption certificate or whatever it’s called. You’ve even got a file on me, for Christ’s sake.’
    Jonathon nods away.
    ‘But . . . I don’t know . . . it’s . . . it doesn’t seem real.’
    Jonathon smiles and nods and nods and smiles. He looks like the dogs in the back window of Mrs Barber’s car. They start nodding the minute the car starts moving.
    Faith says, ‘That’s why I have to see her. To make sure.’ Faith looks at Jonathon but she doesn’t nod or smile. She looks pretty cool for an adult. She wears boots that are called Doc Martens. They’re new but they look old because she got Rob to run over them a few times in his van.
    Jonathon smiles and nods and then he says, ‘OK.’
    And before he can say anything else, Faith says, ‘How long will it take?’
    Jonathon says, ‘It depends.’
    Faith says, ‘On what?’
    Jonathon says, ‘On when she responds to my letter. Or if she responds to my letter.’
    Faith says, ‘How many letters do you send?’
    Jonathon says, ‘Usually three. The third one is registered.’
    Faith nods but she doesn’t smile.
    Jonathon tries to ruffle my hair when I’m leaving the office but I duck and he misses.

 
    The phone rings and I pick it up and say, ‘Yes?’ like I usually do, except there’s nobody there. I can’t hear anyone but I can sense someone. I don’t say anything. I just wait. But the person who I can sense says nothing and I hang up. I’m still standing beside the phone when it rings again. This time, I pick it up and say nothing.
    It’s Brona. She says, ‘Hello?’
    I say, ‘Hi, Brona.’
    ‘What would you like for your birthday?’
    ‘It’s not my birthday till January.’ I’m hanging onto thirty-nine with my fingernails, which I happen to bite most of the time.
    ‘Well, Christmas, then. What would you like for Christmas?’
    ‘Don’t mention the C-word.’
    ‘Someone sounds like they need a little cheering up.’
    ‘Did you just phone here?’
    ‘Yes, of course I did.’
    ‘No, I mean before. Just a minute ago.’
    ‘No. Why?’
    ‘Someone phoned.’
    ‘Who?’
    ‘I don’t know.’
    ‘I don’t understand.’
    ‘It’s probably nothing. I was just wondering . . . has anyone been asking about me recently?’
    Brona laughs and says, ‘My precious girl, everyone asks about you. You’re the darling of the publishing world, you know that.’
    ‘No, I mean anything . . . unusual. Lately. Anything a bit . . . I don’t know, out of the ordinary.’
    ‘No, nothing strange. What’s going on, Kat? You’re starting to worry me.’
    ‘Is your office door locked? Right now? While you’re on the phone to me?’
    ‘Of course it is. I always lock it before I ring you, you know that.’
    ‘And when you’re not in the office . . . do you still lock your office door when you’re not there?’
    ‘Kat, you know how cautious myself and Jeremy are when it comes to you. What’s this about?’
    ‘It’s probably nothing, it’s just I’ve had a few calls lately. You know, when you pick up and no one’s there? Except there is someone there. I’m sure of it.’
    ‘You think someone’s found out?’
    ‘No. But last week, I picked up the phone and a man said, “Is Killian there?” and I said, “No,” and he just hung up.’
    ‘Well, that sounds like it was just a wrong number.’
    ‘Yes, but the name.’
    ‘Lots of people are called Killian.’
    ‘Yes, but it’s a bit of a coincidence, isn’t it?’
    ‘I’m sure that’s all it is, Kat. A coincidence.’
    ‘What about the dropped calls?’
    ‘It’s probably kids.’
    ‘I don’t know.’
    ‘Nothing to worry yourself about.’
    ‘Maybe not . . .’
    Brona says, ‘So . . .’
    I say nothing. I know what’s coming.
    After a while, Brona says, ‘What’s the gorgeous