Light in the Shadows

just knowing that I could do as I liked was empowering.
     
                    Dr. Todd sat on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms over his chest.  “Well, to be brutally honest with you, Clay, your parents wouldn’t have much to stand on legally.  Yes, they had you admitted, but they have been, well, less than involved in your treatment here.  Despite efforts by staff to engage them.  You have made progress without their input.  But I must say, as your therapist, that you still have a lot of work ahead of you.  With the regulation of your medication, you’ve been able to focus on getting your self-injury and suicidal ideation in check.  But this will be a lifetime battle.” 
     
                    I nodded, not feeling defensive or irritated by his assessment.  He was only stating facts.  “And when the time comes for you to leave Grayson, we can discuss my recommendations for your continued treatment.  Leaving in-patient is difficult and usually requires a transitional program, such as going to Langley’s the group home over in Miami Springs.”
     
                    A group home?  That sounded about as much fun as a freaking funeral.  But I got what the doc was saying.  I didn’t want him to think that just because I was eighteen now, I would forget everything I had learned since coming to the center.  I felt the need to prove myself.  To show him I was getting better.
     
                    “Doc, I’m not going anywhere.  I’d like to make it through the rest of my stay and then we can discuss what comes next,” I said confidentially, watching as Dr. Todd tried to control the look of relief that flashed across his face. 
     
                    He got up went to sit back behind his desk.  “I’m glad to hear that, Clayton,” he said, giving me that calming smile of his.  After that, our session was more lighthearted.  No delving into my gnarly past or reworking my twisted thoughts.  Instead, we engaged in benign chitchat.  Including an almost heated exchange about college basketball. 
     
                    Yep, today was shaping up to be one of the good ones.
     
     
    ***
     
     
                    After dinner, Maria, Tyler and I were heading to the common room to watch some TV, when Jacqui, the night administrator asked me to come to her office.  I shrugged at my friends who looked at me questioningly.  “I’ll catch up with you guys in a bit,” I told them, following Jacqui down the hallway.
     
                    “I didn’t do it, I swear,” I teased as we entered her office.  Jacqui’s normally sour face jerked into an almost smile as she patted my arm. 
     
                    “Nothing to worry about, Clay,” she assured me, waving me in so she could close the door.  As soon as I was inside, I was enveloped in a set of warm arms and the pungent scent of patchouli.  My Aunt Ruby gripped me like her life depended on it.  And I suddenly realized that I should have been more than a little suspicious when I hadn’t heard from her yet today.  As if Ruby and Lisa would ever miss my birthday.
     
                    But I had never thought she’d travel thirteen hundred miles to see me though.  But that was Ruby.  She had always loved me more than I sometimes deserved.
     
                    “Ruby,” I said, smiling at my much shorter aunt.  She beamed up at me.  She was dressed in her typical gypsy getup, complete with flowing skirts and some crazy scarf thing around her neck.  She even had tiny shells sticking out her hair.  Where the hell she got the ideas for her outfits, I had no idea.
     
                    Ruby reached up and patted my cheek, the way she had done since I was a little kid.  “My Clay.  It’s so good to see you.”  Her grin was infectious.  Ruby radiated a positive energy that was impossible to ignore.  She had helped pull me out more than my fair share of dark places by just being her.  I would do anything and everything for the woman who stood in front of me.  She was the mother I wished mine could be.  She had been down at least four times in the last three months.  Lisa had come with her whenever she could, but work kept her pretty busy.
     
                    Four times, my aunt had been to see me and my parents hadn’t come once.