Light in the Shadows

              “What are you doing here? And where’s Lisa?” I asked as she hugged me tightly again.  Ruby pulled back and gave me a mock scowl.
     
                    “As if I would miss your eighteenth birthday!  Don’t be silly.  And Lisa would have been here but her work has been crazy,” she explained, swatting my arm.  She pulled me over to the small couch that sat in the corner of the office.  Jacqui had left, giving us some time to visit.  Ruby hefted a heavy canvas bag that she had with her.
     
                  “Are you carting around a ton of bricks in there?” I joked, watching as my aunt pulled out a squished cardboard box.
     
                    “Oh darn.  It’s all smooshed,” Ruby complained, peering down into the box.  She closed the lid and handed it to me.  “Well, it should still taste good.”  She had brought me a freaking birthday cake.  My name swirled in blue icing and tiny paintbrushes decorated the surface.  I felt my chest seize up.  Christ, I was seriously turning into a mess.  Crying over every tiny thing.  What happened to being a man?   I needed to find some shit kickers and a Stetson.  Channel some Marlon Brando or something. 
     
                    But fuck me, I couldn’t remember the last time I had a birthday cake.  And today I had been given two.  Even I wasn’t immune to the warm fuzzies that brought on.  Ruby then pulled out two plates.
     
                    I watched her as she cut me a large slab and I attacked it like I was starving.  I was always a sucker for anything sweet.  Ruby ate delicately around the icing, complaining that she should have gotten carob instead of chocolate because it was healthier.  I let her grumble about white sugar being worse than rat poisoning and how ingesting white flour was like personally asking for your pancreas to shut down.   I just listened silently and ate the hell out of some diabetes slathered in chocolate.
     
                    “I still can’t believe you came down here.  It really means a lot to me,” I said after I was finished.  Ruby’s eyes started to water and I braced myself for the tear fest.  Ruby was notorious for being overly emotional and once upon a time I would have run for the hills at the slightest hint of the touchy feely stuff.
     
                    I had spent a long time creating a very thick, impenetrable wall around myself.  A wall that made it easier for me to live each day inside my own very screwed up head.  If I didn’t let people get too close, then I didn’t have to feel the guilt of disappointing them later.
     
                    But that had been blown to pieces by a pair of beautiful eyes and a snarky attitude.
     
                    Can’t go there.  Not now.  Not when I was feeling good.  Otherwise I’d end up a blubbering mess alongside my already blubbering aunt.
     
                    Ruby wrapped her small fingers around my arm and squeezed.  I covered her hand with my much larger one.  I was learning to be okay with showing people that I cared about them.  That it was good to share your feelings.  That I didn’t have to protect people from the person that I was.  That damn it, I was worth loving.  This was drilled into my head every single day.  I was told over and over again that gosh darn it, people like me.  But it still stuck in the back of my throat.  This insane notion that I was a decent human being.
     
                    “Clayton Reed, I would have moved into your room if I was able to.  But something tells me they might frown on that here.”  I snorted.  Even though she was joking, I wouldn’t have put it past Ruby to try.  “Lisa and I love you as if you were our own.  We will always be here for you.  No matter what,” Ruby said, giving me another hug.  My throat felt uncomfortably tight, but in a good way.  A really good way.
     
                    “I love you guys too.  I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me,” I told her quietly, proud of myself for being able to express my feelings in an appropriate way (thank you coping skills 101).  Ruby furiously wiped at the tears that leaked out of the corners of her eyes.  She pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and blew her nose nosily.  Nothing like a cotton wad full