Like This, for Ever

coat he’d thrown over his shoulders as they’d left his office. He sat down, leaving room for her to sit beside him without feeling crowded. Then he waited for her to tell him more.
    ‘I thought you should know that Barney has been looking for his mother,’ she began. ‘For the better part of a year now. He’s been placing ads in the classified sections of local papers. He has a plan to hit all the papers in Greater London and then gradually spread out over the south-east. Every penny he earns at the newsagent’s he spends on advertising. He wants me to help him now. He wants me to get her put on the missing-persons list, to launch a proper police inquiry.’
    When she glanced over, the man beside her had visibly paled. He’d wrapped his jacket around his lower arms like a muff, or a comforter. ‘Barney’s mother is dead,’ he told her.
    ‘I know that. I did an online search for her after I spoke to him.’
    Stewart shook his head slowly. ‘I had no idea he still thought about her,’ he said. ‘He hasn’t mentioned her in years.’
    ‘I’m afraid she’s on his mind a great deal. Do you never talk about her at all?’
    He was fiddling with something on the coat, twisting it, worrying it. ‘Never,’ he said. ‘I’ve been waiting for him to ask. I should have known the fact that he didn’t was a problem in itself.’
    Both afraid of being the first to raise the forbidden subject, each waiting for the other to bring it up.
    ‘He found her, did you know that?’
    ‘Yes, I did,’ said Lacey.
    ‘He and I had been out for the day. He wasn’t an easy baby. Completely adorable in many ways, but demanding. Neededconstant attention and entertainment. Even I found him exhausting and I wasn’t with him most of the day. Karen just couldn’t deal with it and I was trying to give her a break. I thought a bit of peace and quiet for a few hours might help. When we got back, he went running round the house looking for her. He’d climbed up the stairs before I even knew where he was and pushed open the bathroom door. By the time I got up there, he’d climbed in himself. I think he was trying to get her out … God, the two of them, the water had splashed everywhere. It looked like the whole room was covered in blood.’
    ‘I’m so sorry,’ said Lacey. ‘How terrible for him. For you both.’
    ‘For the first few weeks, he asked for her a lot. Just Mummy, Mummy, over and over again. And he had very bad nightmares – it wasn’t difficult to imagine what they were about. After a while, he just stopped asking and I suppose I was relieved. It seemed so much easier just to pretend he’d never had a mother. Jeez, I really screwed up, didn’t I?’
    Yes,
thought Lacey.
It’s what we do. We screw up, and those we’re supposed to protect are the ones who get damaged.
    Stewart was looking at his watch. ‘I really have to go,’ he said. ‘Thank you. I’ll take care of it.’
    Lacey watched him pull his coat back on and walk down the central aisle. Only when the heavy oak door had closed behind him did she realize he’d left something on the pew, something that must have fallen from the pocket of his coat while he’d been fidgeting with it. A small, black glove.

PART THREE

51
Saturday 8 March
    OFTEN, IN THE other world, Lacey tried to picture the hall where those who were imprisoned physically met with those who served time in other ways, and could never do it. Yet once inside, it became as familiar as her own bedroom. Creamy yellow, scuff-marked walls, dust collecting in corners, high barred windows that never seemed to show anything but grey cloud. Often, when she was in here, Lacey felt as though she’d been in this large, dusty, echoing space for ever and that the world outside was nothing more than vague memories and mostly forgotten dreams.
    ‘So how long since anything’s happened?’ the prisoner asked.
    ‘Nearly three weeks,’ said Lacey. ‘Two weeks, four days, to be precise, since Oliver Kennedy was found alive and well. The clocks will go forward soon, the evenings will be light again. People are actually starting to wonder if it’s over.’
    Pretty eyes blinked and narrowed. ‘Has there been a deathbed confession?’
    ‘Not that I’m aware of.’
    ‘Then it’s not over. If he’s still alive, he’s planning that someone else won’t be.’
    ‘You sound very sure of yourself.’
    Shoulders rose, fell, the prisoner rolled her eyes and pulled a face.‘You’re right,’ she