Losing Hope

can’t do it from out here. Please, open the door.”
    Another moment passes without her opening the door. I grip the edges of the doorframe and wait. It’s too late to backtrack now. All I can do is wait until she’s ready to hear the truth.
    The door swings open and she’s looking at me, her eyes full of anger now rather than fear.
    “Who’s Hope?” she says, barely above a whisper.
    How do I say it? How do I tell her the answer to that question, because as soon as I do I know I’ll have to watch as her entire world collapses around her.
    “Who the hell is Hope?” she says, much louder this time.
    I can’t. I can’t tell her. She’ll hate me and that would destroy me.
    Her eyes fill with tears. “Is it me?” she asks, her voice barely audible. “Holder . . . am I Hope?”
    A rush of breath escapes my lungs and I can feel the tears following. I look up to the ceiling to try to hold them back. I close my eyes and press my forehead against my arm, inhaling the breath that will encase the voice that will release the one word that will destroy her again.
    “Yes.”
    Her eyes grow wide and she just stands there, slowly shaking her head. I can’t even imagine what must be going through her head right now.
    She suddenly shoves past me, out into the hallway. “Sky, wait,” I yell as she descends the steps two at a time. I rush after her, trying to catch her before she leaves. As soon as she hits the bottom step, she collapses to the floor.
    “Sky!” I drop to my knees and take her in my arms, but she’s pushing against me. I can’t let her run. She needs to know the rest of the truth before she leaves here.
    “Outside,” she breathes. “I just need outside. Please, Holder.”
    I know how it feels to need air this badly. I release my hold and look her in the eyes. “Don’t run, Sky. Go outside, but please don’t leave. We need to talk.”
    She nods and I help her stand up. She walks outside and into the front yard where she tilts her head back and stares up at the stars.
    Up at the sky.
    I watch her the whole time, wanting nothing more than to hold her. But I know that’s the last thing she wants right now. She knows I’ve been lying to her and she has every right to hate me.
    After a while, she finally turns and heads back inside. She brushes past me without making eye contact and she walks straight into the kitchen. She takes a bottle of water out of the fridge and opens it, downing several gulps before finally making eye contact with me.
    “Take me home.”
    I’ll get her out of the house, but I’m not taking her home.
    • • •
    We’re at the airport now. I couldn’t think of anywhere else quiet enough to take her and I refused to take her home until she asked me everything she needs to ask me. The only thing she asked me with any sincerity on the way here was why I got my tattoo. I told her the same thing I told her last time she asked me about it; only this time I think she actually understood.
    “Are you ready for answers?” I ask her. We’ve been silently watching the stars for several minutes now. I’m just trying to give her a chance to calm down. To clear her head.
    “I’m ready if you’re actually planning on being honest this time,” she says, anger lacing her voice.
    I turn to face her and the hurt in her eyes is as prominent as the stars in the sky. I lift up onto my elbow and look down at her.
    Just a while ago I was looking down at her this same way, memorizing everything about her. When we were in that moment on my bed I was looking at her with so much hope. I felt like she was mine and I was hers and that moment and feeling would last forever. But now, looking down at her . . . I feel like it’s all about to end.
    I lower my hand to her face and touch her. “I need to kiss you.”
    She shakes her head. “No,” she says resolutely.
    I feel like tonight is the end of us and if she doesn’t let me kiss her one more time it’ll kill me. “I need to kiss you,” I say again. “Please, Sky. I’m scared that after I tell you what I’m about to tell you . . . I’ll never get to kiss you again.” I grasp her face harder and pull her closer. “Please.”
    Her eyes are desperately searching mine, possibly to see if there’s any shred of truth behind my words. She doesn’t say anything. She just barely nods, but it’s enough. I lower my head and press my lips firmly against hers. She grasps my forearm with her hand and parts her lips, allowing